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Band 5

Many claim that the fast food industry had a negative effect on environment, eating habit and families. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#food #industry #effect #environment #habit #families
As the world is evolving, lives of the
people
 are becoming quite easier and
comfortable
Correct quantifier usage
more comfortable
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.
Such
many busier
Correct word choice
busy
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people
 do not need to do extensive and complex cooking because a large number of fast food industries have come into being. Numerous
people
 bet
,
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apply
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these
Correct word choice
that these
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 chains are having
negative
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a negative
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 impact not only on
people
 but on
environment
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the environment
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 too. Before agreeing or disagreeing with
this
, I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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these in
following
Correct article usage
the following
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 paragraphs.
Firstly
, let's have a look
how
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at how
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 these quick meals give
people
 more comfort. Since
,
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apply
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mass
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the mass
a mass
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 of today can be seen
quite
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as quite
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 occupied than ever before,
therefore
 there developed
requirement
Correct article usage
a requirement
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 to get some time out of hours of cooking so it can
been
Change the verb form
be
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 used in something more constructive.
Hence
,
people
 started buying things from restaurants.
For example
, In Canada, the residents often find it more convenient to grab
coffee
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a coffee
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 from Tim Hortons rather
making
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than making
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 it at home before leaving for
the
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apply
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work.
Thus
, it can be clearly seen that these have become
day to day go to
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day-to-day go-to
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 things and
time saving
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time-saving
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 for humankind.
Secondly
, it should be noted that these are having a lot more negative outcomes as quick products of eating chains are not only harmful to the
people
 but
for
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to
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 the environment too. In fact, these create a lot of non-recyclable waste that does not decompose and
stay
Correct subject-verb agreement
stays
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 on the plant for
million
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millions
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 of years, creating
environment
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environmental
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 pollution. Plus
cause
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causes
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threat
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a threat
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 to
the
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apply
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human life.
For instance
, coffee cups, plates and all other plastic dishes pause
heath
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health
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 problems like cancer and
nature
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natural
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 issues like
non-biodegradable
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a non-biodegradable
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 waste.
To conclude
, I agree with the statement that companies producing processed foods
are having
Wrong verb form
have
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 disadvantages in various forms.
Hence
, there need to reduce of use of processed foods to save the earth and its
people
.
Submitted by preetsimran0123 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, improve the transition between ideas and paragraphs. Consider using linking words or phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next. Additionally, strive for a more explicit connection between the introduction and the main points discussed.
task achievement
For task achievement, provide more specific and detailed examples to support your claims. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive. Also, ensure each paragraph clearly supports your opinion on the extent of agreement or disagreement with the statement.
task achievement
To make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive, aim to elaborate more on each point you present. Avoid repetition and ensure that all parts of the essay are focused and contribute to your overall argument.
introduction conclusion
You effectively presented a clear introduction and conclusion that aligned with the topic, giving your essay a solid structure.
complete response
Your essay covers the major points concerning the fast food industry's impact on the environment and people’s eating habits.
relevant specific examples
You provided relevant examples, such as the one about Tim Hortons in Canada, to illustrate your points.
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