3. The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices are harmful to individual and to the socity they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays,
people
can entertain themselves conveniently, for instance
, they can play video games
on their phones or laptops. However
, some people
think that it will be harmful to individual
and to the Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
society
they live in, and some think it would not. Below will explore both sides of the debate about whether the increase
Replace the word
increased
availiability
of Correct your spelling
availability
entertainment
is harmful.
Proponents of increasing availability
of Correct article usage
the availability
entertainment
emphasizes
that it would Change the verb form
emphasize
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
people
's mental health. Especially to those who are living in fast-paced cities, they have numerous
work to do Fix the agreement mistake
a lot of
everyday
. Going to work, Replace the word
every day
taking
care of family, these things already "grab" more than half of the day Correct word choice
and taking
of
Change preposition
apply
them
. If they just keep Correct pronoun usage
apply
livin
like Correct your spelling
living
livin'
this
, it is believed that their mental health will definitely be destroyed. Therefore
, they need time
to entertain themselves to ensure that they can get enough rest to relieve.
Considering that, the rising availabiliy
of Correct your spelling
availability
entertainment
absoulutely
will be a big help to these kinds of Correct your spelling
absolutely
people
. After working a day, they can just pick up their phone, and download some games
to play. Moreover
, they can watching
some videos on Change the verb form
watch
be watching
the
social platforms, Correct article usage
apply
for example
, Tiktok
, Instagram reels or Youtube. The Correct your spelling
TikTok
availabiliy
of Correct your spelling
availability
entertainment
is making people
to
relax themselves Change the verb form
apply
easier
in a short Replace the word
easily
time
.
Opponents of people
Change noun form
people's
entertain
on handheld Replace the word
entertainment
devices
critizes
that it will Correct your spelling
criticise
decrease
people
Change noun form
people's
time
to communicate with other
in real lifeFix the agreement mistake
others
,
and Remove the comma
apply
decrease
their time
to go outside. As people
can entertain themselves everywhere by using handheld devices
, most of them will choose to stay at home and play games
alone. It will lead to a lack of face-to-face interactions, and obviously
it is not good Add a comma
obviously,
to
Change preposition
for
a
Remove the article
apply
society
. People
will become not used to talk
to others in real life and even hate to see others.
Wrong verb form
talking
Furthermore
, it increases te
risk that Correct your spelling
the
people
will addicted to play
Change the verb form
playing
games
on those gadgets. As it is convenient, people
can play games
no matter what time
or what place it is. Even though they are working, they still can entertain secretly. Addiction of
handheld Change preposition
to
devices
not only decrease
their communication skillsCorrect subject-verb agreement
decreases
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
leading their working effort fall
. Wrong verb form
falling
That's
Verb problem
That
mean
it will harm themselves, Replace the word
means
individual
and Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
also
to
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
.
All in all, the debate over whether the availabiliy
of Correct your spelling
availability
entertainment
is good or bad will probably continue. While
it can help people
to relax conveniently in a short time
, keeping them have
a good mental health, there are Unnecessary verb
apply
also
thoughts that it will decrease
their interaction abilities, leading harm
to Fix the infinitive
to harm
individual
and Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
society
. On balance, the arguments for the availabiliy
of Correct your spelling
availability
entertainment
carry more weight. It is essential to establish a balance between entertaining on handheld devices
and going outside.Submitted by asllchkied on
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coherence cohesion
Incorporate clearer transitions between paragraphs and within ideas to guide the reader more smoothly through your argument.
task achievement
Clarify and expand your main points with specific examples to strengthen your argument and make it more comprehensive.
task achievement
Address the counterarguments more thoroughly to present a balanced view and enhance the depth of your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a balanced view by presenting both sides of the argument, which adds depth to your discussion.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully included an introduction and a conclusion that encapsulate your main argument, providing clarity and structure to your essay.
task achievement
Your points on the benefits of entertainment for mental health provide a relevant perspective on the topic, showcasing your ability to think critically.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.