Many people today are not as fit and active as people used to be in the past and this is a danger to their long-term health. What do you think are the reasons for this ? What measures can you suggest to reduce this problem ?
In recent years, new
there
are significantly increasing Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
number of young Correct article usage
apply
people
suffering chronic
Change preposition
from chronic
disease
has become a prevalent issue,sparking concerns among individuals and society. Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
Therefore
, it i
s Change the capitalization
I
eseential
that we elaborate on an objective Correct your spelling
essential
analysisof
the latent causes of Correct your spelling
analysis of
this
occurence
and bring forward viable remedies.
One of the primary causes of Correct your spelling
occurrence
new
Correct article usage
the new
generation
people
Change preposition
of people
have
weaker physical Wrong verb form
having
condition
than Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
older
Correct article usage
the older
generation
is Correct article usage
the rapidly
rapidly
growth of technology. Change the adverb
rapid
This
can be attributed to technology make
more Wrong verb form
making
convienent
in Correct your spelling
convenient
transportation
, which has led to people
over depend
on vehicles and Add a hyphen
over-depend
pubulic
Correct your spelling
public
transportation
. Thus
, their moibility
will Correct your spelling
mobility
decrasing
gradually and the majority of them would not treat it as a problem. Correct your spelling
decreasing
Furthermore
, job
Correct article usage
the job
patten
revolution Correct your spelling
pattern
also
plays a significant role. For instance
, people
in Correct article usage
the pass
pass
may Correct your spelling
past
choose
the farming and Verb problem
have
industies
as their work, which Correct your spelling
industries
indicated
old Wrong verb form
indicates
generation
guys will
make a fortune Wrong verb form
would
through
a physical way. Change preposition
in
However
, in new
Correct article usage
the new
generation
Add a comma
generation,
people
make a
good money just through a computer and their mind. The job Remove the article
apply
envirionment
Correct your spelling
environment
transfer
from outdoor to indoor, and it may Correct subject-verb agreement
transfers
conduct
a Verb problem
have
badly
consequence, which is Change the adverb
bad
people
reduce outdoor activities and dramatically reduce physical exercise in their daily life
.
To tackle the issue ofFix the agreement mistake
lives
Correct article usage
the
generation
's long-term health
problem, several solutions can be cconsidered
. Correct your spelling
considered
Firstly
, addressing people
over dependent
on Add a hyphen
over-dependent
transportation
requires government
Add an article
the government
provide
more Fix the infinitive
to provide
health
promotion information on young people
. This
solution is effective because it diretly
Correct your spelling
directly
reach
the target increasing Change the verb form
reaches
citizens
Change noun form
citizens'
citizen's
health
awareness. If citizens have enough health related
knowledge and awareness, they may have more motivation to make a change in their daily Add a hyphen
health-related
rountine
. Correct your spelling
routine
Secondly
, to combat indoor working situation
, Fix the agreement mistake
situations
impllementing
more indoor activities, which Correct your spelling
implement
suitable
for Add a missing verb
are suitable
workplace
, Add an article
the workplace
such
as dancing and Thai Chi, this
exercise may not have large movement
, but it may provide a chance to encourage workers to do more physical practice. Fix the agreement mistake
movements
This
approach is likely to yield positive results as it adresses
the root cause of job Correct your spelling
addresses
patten
.
In conclusion, the phenomenon of young Correct your spelling
patterns
people
lack of physical Change noun form
people's
health
than older
Correct article usage
the older
generation
is primarily casused
by Correct your spelling
caused
wide
net of Correct article usage
the wide
transportation
and changing
in different working Wrong verb form
changes
pattens
. To address Correct your spelling
patterns
this
pressing issue, intervention of health
awareness education and promote
indoor practices is crucial. By doing so, we can hope to alleviate the above problems and foster a more positive and resilient society,Wrong verb form
promoting
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure clarity by using transitional phrases and connectives more effectively. This will improve the logical flow and connection between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Revise and proofread for grammatical errors and awkward phrasings to enhance the clarity and comprehensibility of your ideas.
Task Achievement
Add more detailed and specific examples to further illustrate your main points and arguments, which could help strengthen your essay's impact and clarity.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which adds to the overall structure.
Task Achievement
You have addressed both parts of the question, discussing causes and solutions effectively.
Task Achievement
You’ve demonstrated a good understanding of the topic, touching important points like the impact of technology and changes in work patterns.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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