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Band 4.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant
#first #energy #australian #household #second #greenhouse #gas #emissions #summaries #information #features #comparison
The two pie charts present
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about the
use
various
Change preposition
of various
show examples
 types of
energy
 by
on
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 average Australian family and the amount of
greenhouse
gas
 produced by
such
use
 an
overall
 trend, water heating
Correct your spelling
appear
apper
Correct your spelling
appears
 to be the major
energy
 that both
consumers
Replace the word
consume
show examples
 a substantial
energy
 amount and
couses
Correct your spelling
causes
courses
 notable
greenhouse
gas
 emissions
while
 heating account for the highest percentage of
energy
use
 As you can
seen
Change the verb form
see
be seen
show examples
 in
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
show examples
 cooling and lighting do not require much
energy
, 2% and 4%,
also
 in
greenhouse
 gases almost
dose
Correct your spelling
do
show examples
 not exceed these indicators 3% and 8%.
However
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 in
energy saving
Add a hyphen
energy-saving
show examples
 the
peresentege
Correct your spelling
percentage
 is 7
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and in
greenhouse
gas
 emissions it is 2 times more, 14
persentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
. As
for
Correct your spelling
far
show examples
 as other appliances
concerned
Add a missing verb
are concerned
show examples
 their number is 15%
energy
use
 and 28%
greenhouse
gas
.
On the other hand
 water heating
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
 30% of
energy
while
 32%
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
greenhouse
gas
. At least the heater shows the downside
energy
use
 used 42% when
greenhouse
gas
 used 15%
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words use, energy, greenhouse, gas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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