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Band 5.5

Unemployment rates are increasing in many countries. What are the causes of this issue, and what steps can governments and individuals take to reduce unemployment?

#unemployment #rates #countries #steps #governments #individuals
Unemployment
 is a growing
issue
 in many countries, and it poses significant challenges for both individuals and societies. The
causes
 of increasing
unemployment
 rates are varied, and addressing
this
issue
 can be done through collaboration between the government and individuals,
such
 as offering training courses
as well as
 encouraging small
businesses
.
This
issue
 requires immediate attention as it has a far-reaching effect on society. One of the major
causes
 related to
unemployment
 is economic breakdowns. When
businesses
 earn less down money and hire workers
off
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, the rates of
unemployment
 will definitely rise.
In addition
, lack of
skills
 plays a vital role in growing
this
 situation.
In other words
, many people do not have the
skills
 that are needed for the
jobs
.
For example
, many new
jobs
 require many
skills
 that older people may not have. And
finally
, new technology and machines are replacing
jobs
.
For example
, self-checkout in some stores does not need cashiers or assistance, which means there is no need for employees.
This
issue
 can be tackled through many solutions;
firstly
, the government should offer course training
skills
 to educate people about the required
skills
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 new
jobs
;
moreover
, the government
also
 should play
its
Change the word
an
show examples
 essential role in encouraging small
businesses
 by offering loans and giving tax breaks;
this
 will give more opportunities to work. In conclusion,
while
unemployment
 has many
causes
,
such
 as economic breakdowns, a lack of
skills
 that are needed for new
jobs
,
as well as
 the technology that has its effects on rising
unemployment
 rates, these
causes
 could be addressed by offering training courses and encouraging small
businesses
 by giving loans and allowing them to be free of tax for a temporary period.
Submitted by talahakoura27 on

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task achievement
To strengthen your essay, try to provide more specific and varied examples for the causes and solutions of unemployment. This will help substantiate your points and make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Consider using transitional words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively outlining the main points and summarizing the argument.
task achievement
There is a comprehensive explanation of the causes of unemployment, showing a good understanding of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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