IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Write about the following topic: Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measure do you think might be effective? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #price #petrol #traffic #pollution #measure
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The table gives information about subterranean
railway
 networks in the
big six
Correct your spelling
Big Six
show examples
 cities when it was opened, how far
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
, and how many
passengers
 use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 per
year
.
Overall
, the first
railway
 opened in London and it was long
kilometres
 of route. In the middle of
given
Add an article
a given
the given
show examples
year
,
railway
Correct article usage
the railway
show examples
 in Tokyo was used by the most
passengers
 in one
year
. The
last
railway
 station was opened in
Loss
Fix the agreement mistake
Los
show examples
 Angeles. On the one hand, there were 3 old
railway
 systems and the first underground
railway
 in London started
using
Change the verb form
to be used
show examples
 by
people
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
in 1863. It had a distance of 394 kilometers and 775
people
 used it every
year
.
Underground
Correct article usage
The underground
show examples
railway
 in Paris opened
1900
Change preposition
in 1900
show examples
 and it was 199
kilometres
 of route. 1191
passengers
 utilised per
year
 in millions.
Railway
Add an article
The railway
show examples
 station of Tokyo
stated
Correct your spelling
started
show examples
 work in 1927 and Its length was 199
kilometres
. Of all the stations given, the most used
railway
 was in Tokyo. It was used by 1928
passengers
.
On the other hand
, in 1976,
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
railway
 opened in Washington DC. It was 126
kilometres
 of route. But, fewer
people
 used it than before.
Then
,
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
 underground
railway
 began in Kyoto in 1961 and It was the
shortest distance
Add a hyphen
shortest-distance
show examples
railway
. So, a small number of
passengers
 used it.
Finally
, in 2001, Los Angeles built its new
railway
 station. It was only 28 kilometers and merely 50
people
 used it.
Submitted by Writing9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Consider including a clear introduction and conclusion to provide a complete structure and summarize your main points.
task achievement
Make sure your ideas are clearly and comprehensively expressed. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next.
task achievement
The essay provides a thorough comparison of the railway systems in the various cities, focusing on specific data points.
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively breaks down data in a logical order, discussing older and newer railways separately.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: