IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent agree or disagree?

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Education
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 finance should be included as a compulsory subject in
school
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area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 for making preparation pupils
for spending
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to spend
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 efficiently.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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there are valid arguments on
this
Linking Words
 topic , I partly agree
at
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the given statement and will
be justify
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justify
show examples
 my point of view in the upcoming paragraphs. From the first perspective, in
education
Use synonyms
 places financial field should be included subjects which help
students
Use synonyms
 in
future
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career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. First and foremost, when governments arrange the classes like
financial
Add an article
the financial
show examples
 system , it could be more advantageous for all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
students
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inessential
Replace the word
essential
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 skills. The primary reason for
this
Linking Words
 is
future
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 because many undergraduates want to achieve
high quality
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high-quality
show examples
 occupations , so every field
have
Wrong verb form
has its
show examples
 own specialty and arrangement , You should comprehend
value
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the value
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 of
money
Use synonyms
 by
this
Linking Words
 you can find any job without problems. By the way, they can easily adopt habits that contribute to financial stability.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they can gain financial insurance and pensions , and learn about the importance of building an emergency fund. So learning financial
education
Use synonyms
 can make more secure choices for their
future
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, reducing their disagreement in
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
 and
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
 to boost social interactions and assistance. As an illustration ,
this
Linking Words
 notion has been proven by recent research that was carried out by the scientists of California State
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
. They found that in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 primary and high schools imposed
like
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apply
show examples
mandatory
Add an article
the mandatory
a mandatory
show examples
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 of
education
Use synonyms
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
 sphere, so their country's
finance
Replace the word
financial
show examples
 stability significantly increased to 20% more than
previous
Change the article
the previous
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 solidity.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are bad insights for learning financial
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
in instructions for preparing
students
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spend
Fix the infinitive
to spend
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 effectively.
Firstly
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, commercial subjects can be more
exhausted
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exhausting
show examples
 for
Use synonyms
school age
Add a hyphen
school-age
show examples
 groups because they should master subjects like handicrafts , chemistry , biology ,
math
Correct word choice
and math
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 especially
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
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new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
language
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languages
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 and
custom
Fix the agreement mistake
customs
show examples
 than
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
 troubles.
In addition
Linking Words
, financial
education
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 is more
depressed
Replace the word
depressing
show examples
 and
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
 cognitive knowledge since
school
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students
Use synonyms
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 energetic , so after all , they start boredom
of
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for
show examples
whole
Correct pronoun usage
their whole
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 mastering
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
education
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 efficient for
future
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 life ,
for instance
Linking Words
 achieving high paid job and losing
argument
Fix the agreement mistake
arguments
show examples
with
Change preposition
over
show examples
money
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 in any
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
, with some emphasis
like
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on
show examples
emotion
Add an article
the emotion
show examples
 of
boring
Correct article usage
a boring
show examples
an d
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 exhausting
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
lifetime. In my mind , in schools
shiulb
Correct your spelling
should
 be
mandatory
Add an article
a mandatory
show examples
 subject for preparing
students
Use synonyms
 for accomplishing
money
Use synonyms
 cerebral way.

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Introduction
Focus on clearly introducing your stance in the introduction and directly link it to your main arguments. This will help the reader understand your perspective from the start.
Structure
Develop ideas in a clearer and more organized manner. Each paragraph should have a distinct main point that is supported by examples or explanations.
Task Achievement
Include specific examples or evidence to back up your arguments more consistently, ensuring they are relevant to the point you’re making.
Style
Try to avoid repetition and redundancy to maintain reader interest and make your arguments more concise.
Argumentation
The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, which is a good strategy to provide a balanced perspective.
Content
The idea of financial stability contributing to better societal interactions is an interesting point.
Evidence
The essay introduces an example of research from California State University, which adds some credibility to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial literacy
  • Mandatory
  • Budgeting
  • Economic stability
  • Fiscal health
  • Credit
  • Interest rates
  • Investments
  • Curriculum
  • Informed decisions
  • Personal debt
  • Savings
  • Taxes
  • Expenditures
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Money management
  • Financial planning
  • Economic education
  • Financial competence
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