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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The figure shows the results of a survey of 1000 adolescents in five different countries. The participants were asked at what age they believed certain rights and responsibilities should be granted to young people. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

The figure shows the results of a survey of 1000 adolescents in five different countries. The participants were asked at what age they believed certain rights and responsibilities should be granted to young people. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.
#figure #results #survey #adolescents #five #countries #participants #age #rights #responsibilities #people #summarise #information #features
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The bar chart illustrates what ages in 1000
adolescents
Use synonyms
 of a survey believed criminal
responsibilities
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,
marrige
Correct your spelling
marriage
 and voting
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right
Replace the word
rights
show examples
 have
permited
Correct your spelling
permitted
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
younger in five
countries
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,including the USA,the UK,
Mexico
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,Japan and Egypt.
Overall
Linking Words
,as we can observe apparently the chart,
Japan
Replace the word
Japanese
show examples
 young
people
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 accept more highest
age
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 in three rights than younger in every
Use synonyms
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
.
All off
Change preposition
In all
show examples
 six
countries
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,
adolescents
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 in
Mexico
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
think young
people
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 can process rights and
responsibilities
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 under 18
years
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 old. To
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
begin with,in Japan,younger think to need the highest
age
Use synonyms
 to have
marriage
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
right
Replace the word
rights
show examples
,about 22
years
Use synonyms
 old,and voting
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right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
also
Linking Words
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the highest
years
Use synonyms
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
other
Change preposition
to other
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 about 20
years
Use synonyms
 old.Meanwhile,the USA young
people
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 believe that
adolescents
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 allow 12
years
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 old to have criminal
responsibilities
Use synonyms
 less ages than
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 five
countries
Use synonyms
,
also
Linking Words
 USA
younger have
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 the same thinking over
marriage
Use synonyms
 and voting should be 18
years
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 old.
In addition
Linking Words
,the UK has second rank in
marriage
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age
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,the figures saw
adolescents
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 are granted to young
people
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
voting and criminal
responsibilities
Use synonyms
 are both the same data in the UK and
Mexico
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(respectively 16 and 17
years
Use synonyms
 old).
Moreover
Linking Words
,young
people
Use synonyms
 in
Mexico
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 and Egypt,
also
Linking Words
 have
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 in
marriage
Use synonyms
right
Use synonyms
 over 16
years
Use synonyms
 old.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
,Japanese
adolescents
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 believe that criminal
responsibilities
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 and Epypt young
people
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
voting think the same
age
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 to allow,about 18
years
Use synonyms
 old.Young
people
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 in Egypt think
adolescents
Use synonyms
commit
Correct pronoun usage
who commit
show examples
 a crime have to abide by
responsble
Correct your spelling
responsibility
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 14
years
Use synonyms
 old.
Submitted by a0953957266 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words adolescents, responsibilities, right, countries, mexico, people, age, years, marriage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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What to do next:
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