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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the percentage of a drug company’s total sales, by region, from 2002 to 2006.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the percentage of a drug company’s total sales, by region, from 2002 to 2006.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar graph below demonstrates the total revenue of pharmaceutical companies in terms of
percentage
Use synonyms
 in three different continents .Over a
four year
Add a hyphen
four-year
show examples
 period,
Asia
Use synonyms
 noted a significant
percentage
Use synonyms
increase
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
total income,
while
Linking Words
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 America recorded a noticeable decrease throughout the years,
additionally
Linking Words
,
Asia
Use synonyms
 maintained the growth with a slight change. From 2002
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 2004,
Asia
Use synonyms
 maintained a fixed
increase
Use synonyms
,
5
Change preposition
of 5
show examples
% of revenue growth annually,
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
 Europe had a slight
percentage
Use synonyms
increase
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 1
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 3
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, relatively.
Also
Linking Words
, America recorded a visible decrease from 41% in 2002 to 27% in the year 2006, it had been the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 among them. Looking at the chart During the period of 2004 till 2006,
Asia
Use synonyms
 documented a 5% revenue
increase
Use synonyms
, it
had seen
Wrong verb form
saw
show examples
 the largest
percentage
Use synonyms
 among all regions,
while
Linking Words
Europe
Change noun form
Europe's
show examples
 sales
percentage
Use synonyms
 dropped by 8% and America recorded a steady
increase
Use synonyms
 of about 1 to 2
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, asia, increase with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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