These days people pay more attention to artists (writers, painters and so on) and give less importance to science and technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today's world,
people
have different views about
weather
Correct your spelling
whether
show examples
arts or science is the most significant. Since
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
a variety of
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
may cause
different
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differences
show examples
in
people
's preferences.
However
,
this
essay will discuss what
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
people
pay
attention
to, and I will
provde
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provide
my opinion. 
Firstly
, the concept of
artists
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
many meanings,
for example
, singers, actors or any kind of
proformers
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performers
performer
.
Since that
Change preposition
That
show examples
lately, generation Z (which are
people
born in
2000s
Change the article
the 2000s
show examples
) dominated
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media applications,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
become more
intersted
Correct your spelling
interested
in international
artists
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
scientists
. These
artists
have millions of
follwers
Correct your spelling
followers
, which is the reason behind
people
pay
attention
more to
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
these
artists
.
However
, I totally agree that
artiste
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artists
show examples
influence
Change the verb form
influences
show examples
a
hole
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whole
show examples
socaity
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society
more than
scientists
and
technologests
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technologists
.
Which in
Correct pronoun usage
In
show examples
my point of view is
concedered
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considered
a sham, since
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
science can
protact
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protect
our future as humans.
For example
, in
medical
Add an article
the medical
show examples
field,
people
who discover cures
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
illnesses are the
scientists
.
This
is
Add an article
the way
a way
show examples
way
Correct your spelling
why
show examples
we should encourage
people
to stop paying
attention
to
artists
and
follwe
Correct your spelling
follow
followed
the future of our
socaity
Correct your spelling
society
(
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scientists
and
technologests
Correct your spelling
technologists
).
To conclude
, even though I believe that
people
pay more
attention
to
artists
and give less importance to science and technology, I state that if
people
pay more
attention
to
scientists
and
technologests
Correct your spelling
technologists
thier
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their
awerness
Correct your spelling
awareness
will level up more. In
addetion
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addition
, no
stupit
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stupid
ideas will be
showen
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shown
.
Submitted by layan992015 on

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task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples to make your arguments stronger. For instance, citing specific studies or real-life examples where science and technology are given less attention could enhance your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear logical structure. You might want to separate your ideas more distinctly into paragraphs, each with a main point and supporting detail.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain consistent tense and grammatical forms throughout the essay to improve overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear, providing a good overview and summary of your views on the topic.
task achievement
The essay stays on topic and addresses the prompt adequately, discussing the attention given to arts versus science and technology.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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