There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays there is many pressures for young
people
to have good school
result
in academic Fix the agreement mistake
results
subjects
. It is difficult for young people
to get to university and for finding
work after Change preposition
to find
eductions
. So some Correct your spelling
education
people
think that non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
subject
are not as good for Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
children
to be learn
at Change the verb form
learn
school
and they should only do academic subjects
. I disagree with this
statement and think non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
subjects
are also
good for learning and developing children
. Firstly
I think that school
is not only a place for learning academic subjects
and that other subjects
can be very useful at school
. For example
, when children
learn physic
education it is not only Replace the word
physical
academical
learning but Replace the word
academic
also
other things. Also
Add a comma
Also,
children
can learn how can they be good
health and Change preposition
in good
this
is important for their life. Because many people
have obesity and this
is not a good situation. If children
learn physical education they would not have obesity as much. Secondly
I think that it is useful for Add a comma
Secondly,
school
for teaching other things at school
like cookery. I think that this
is a good skill for people
to learn for the
health and Change the word
their
also
there are many jobs with cookery. For example
, maybe you can open a restaurant or have difference
cooking work. Replace the word
different
Therefore
this
is a good situation for some children
and is good to learn
Change preposition
for learning
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
subjects
. In conclusion
I think that Add a comma
conclusion,
children
can learn academic and non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
subjects
and school
and this
is the best thing for children
. however
, maybe there can be after
Add a hyphen
after-school
school
lessons or clubs for children
to learn skills and teachings that are non academic
and be more academic Add a hyphen
non-academic
in
Change preposition
during
school
time.Submitted by huangjiali617 on
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introduction conclusion
Try to further develop your introduction by clearly stating your position and outlining the main points you will discuss in your essay. This will set a clearer roadmap for the reader.
logical structure
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and logical progression of ideas. Use linking words effectively to demonstrate relationships between ideas.
supported main points
Incorporate specific examples or evidence to support your points more thoroughly and convincingly.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have clearly stated your opinion and maintained it throughout the essay, which demonstrates confidence and clarity in your point of view.
complete response
You considered multiple perspectives on the issue by discussing both academic and non-academic subjects, which enriches the depth of the response.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
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