There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

Nowadays there is many pressures for young

people

to have good

school

result

Fix the agreement mistake

results

show examples

in academic

subjects

. It is difficult for young

people

to get to university and

for finding

Change preposition

to find

show examples

work after

eductions

Correct your spelling

education

show examples

. So some

people

think that

non academic

Add a hyphen

non-academic

show examples

subject

Fix the agreement mistake

subjects

show examples

are not as good for

children

be learn

Change the verb form

learn

show examples

school

and they should only do academic

subjects

. I disagree with

this

statement and think

non academic

Add a hyphen

non-academic

show examples

subjects

are

also

good for learning and developing

children

Firstly

I think that

school

is not only a place for learning academic

subjects

and that other

subjects

can be very useful at

school

For example

, when

children

learn

physic

Replace the word

physical

show examples

education it is not only

academical

Replace the word

academic

show examples

learning but

also

other things.

Also

Add a comma

Also,

show examples

children

can learn how can they be

good

Change preposition

in good

show examples

health and

this

is important for their life. Because many

people

have obesity and

this

is not a good situation. If

children

learn physical education they would not have obesity as much.

Secondly

Add a comma

Secondly,

show examples

I think that it is useful for

school

for teaching other things at

school

like cookery. I think that

this

is a good skill for

people

to learn for

the

Change the word

their

show examples

health and

also

there are many jobs with cookery.

For example

, maybe you can open a restaurant or have

difference

Replace the word

different

show examples

cooking work.

Therefore

this

is a good situation for some

children

and is good

to learn

Change preposition

for learning

show examples

non academic

Add a hyphen

non-academic

show examples

subjects

. In

conclusion

Add a comma

conclusion,

show examples

I think that

children

can learn academic and

non academic

Add a hyphen

non-academic

show examples

subjects

and

school

and

this

is the best thing for

children

however

, maybe there can be

after

Add a hyphen

after-school

show examples

school

lessons or clubs for

children

to learn skills and teachings that are

non academic

Add a hyphen

non-academic

show examples

and be more academic

Change preposition

during

show examples

school

time.

Submitted by huangjiali617 on Sat Nov 09 2024

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introduction conclusion

Try to further develop your introduction by clearly stating your position and outlining the main points you will discuss in your essay. This will set a clearer roadmap for the reader.

logical structure

To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and logical progression of ideas. Use linking words effectively to demonstrate relationships between ideas.

supported main points

Incorporate specific examples or evidence to support your points more thoroughly and convincingly.

clear comprehensive ideas

You have clearly stated your opinion and maintained it throughout the essay, which demonstrates confidence and clarity in your point of view.

complete response

You considered multiple perspectives on the issue by discussing both academic and non-academic subjects, which enriches the depth of the response.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

279 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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