There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays there is many pressures for young
people
to have good
school
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
in academic
subjects
. It is difficult for young
people
to get to university and
for finding
Change preposition
to find
show examples
work after
eductions
Correct your spelling
education
show examples
. So some
people
think that
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
are not as good for
children
to
be learn
Change the verb form
learn
show examples
at
school
and they should only do academic
subjects
. I disagree with
this
statement and think
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
are
also
good for learning and developing
children
.
Firstly
I think that
school
is not only a place for learning academic
subjects
and that other
subjects
can be very useful at
school
.
For example
, when
children
learn
physic
Replace the word
physical
show examples
education it is not only
academical
Replace the word
academic
show examples
learning but
also
other things.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
children
can learn how can they be
good
Change preposition
in good
show examples
health and
this
is important for their life. Because many
people
have obesity and
this
is not a good situation. If
children
learn physical education they would not have obesity as much.
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
show examples
I think that it is useful for
school
for teaching other things at
school
like cookery. I think that
this
is a good skill for
people
to learn for
the
Change the word
their
show examples
health and
also
there are many jobs with cookery.
For example
, maybe you can open a restaurant or have
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
cooking work.
Therefore
this
is a good situation for some
children
and is good
to learn
Change preposition
for learning
show examples
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
I think that
children
can learn academic and
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
and
school
and
this
is the best thing for
children
.
however
, maybe there can be
after
Add a hyphen
after-school
show examples
school
lessons or clubs for
children
to learn skills and teachings that are
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
and be more academic
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
school
time.
Submitted by huangjiali617 on

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introduction conclusion
Try to further develop your introduction by clearly stating your position and outlining the main points you will discuss in your essay. This will set a clearer roadmap for the reader.
logical structure
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and logical progression of ideas. Use linking words effectively to demonstrate relationships between ideas.
supported main points
Incorporate specific examples or evidence to support your points more thoroughly and convincingly.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have clearly stated your opinion and maintained it throughout the essay, which demonstrates confidence and clarity in your point of view.
complete response
You considered multiple perspectives on the issue by discussing both academic and non-academic subjects, which enriches the depth of the response.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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