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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the average Japanese month salary (Yen) from 1953 to 1983, and the prices of black and white televisions and color televisions during the same period.

The graph shows the average Japanese month salary (Yen) from 1953 to 1983, and the prices of black and white televisions and color televisions during the same period.
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The supplied line graph indicates how much was the Japanese people's income monthly, and
also
Linking Words
 the costs of black and white and
color
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colour
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 televisions over a thirty-year period. A glance at the graph reveals that the rate of wages had an upward
trend
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 in Japan.
However
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, the prices of black and white and
color
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colour
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TV
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 witnessed a downward
trend
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 over the period. In 1953, the share of salary for
Japenese
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Japanese
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 people was just under 20,000
of
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apply
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Yen
Use synonyms
. (which was the lowest payment for employees and workers over the period). For the next 20 years later, the amount of income increased slightly in Japan.
Then
Linking Words
, the proportion of
salary
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salaries
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 for Japanese faced a dramatic rise in 1983. The amount of price of
color
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colour
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 televisions was precisely 100,000
Yen
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 in the second half of
20th
Correct article usage
the 20th
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 century. (between 1953 and 1963).
Next,
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
trend
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 declined sharply and reached roughly 50,000
Yen
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 in 1983.
Additionally
Linking Words
, Japanese individuals spent approximately 110,000
Yen
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for purchasing
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to purchase
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 a black and white
TV
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 in 1953. (which was the highest proportion of costs for buying
TV
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 over the whole year).
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the price of black and white
TV
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 plummeted from 1953 to nearly 1960 and contributed to 40,000
Yen
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 in 1960.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the
trend
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, it decreased gradually and hit the bottom at just around 20,000
Yen
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 in 1983.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words trend, tv, yen with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 4 times.
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