IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some pepole say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and becom disciplined. Others argue that teenagers should not sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work . Discusee both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teenagers
Use synonyms
 are struggling to enjoy their life
due to
Linking Words
 all
expensive
Correct article usage
the expensive
show examples
 things.
Thus
Linking Words
, some peoples
sugest
Correct your spelling
suggest
Correct word choice
that them
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
take
part-time
Correct article usage
a part-time
show examples
 job after-school
tu fullfill
Correct your spelling
to fulfil
 their needs, and
improtantly
Correct your spelling
importantly
, to build an understanding of
Use synonyms
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
 environment, tough character and
dicipline habbits
Correct your spelling
discipline habits
.
However
Linking Words
, some other people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
prefered
Correct your spelling
prefer
 to enjoy a short
teenager
Replace the word
teenage
show examples
 time to do fun activities or just relax their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
while
Linking Words
 taking
Use synonyms
rest
Correct article usage
a rest
show examples
 right after school. In fact
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, these both views are true for some relevant families, that depend on their
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 condition.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 both views.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, in fact
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
teenagers
Use synonyms
 with
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 jobs will have better characters than others.
These
Correct determiner usage
This
show examples
 essay elaborated
my
Change preposition
on my
show examples
 opinions
First,
Linking Words
part-time
work
Use synonyms
 will
initially
Linking Words
 introduce
Use synonyms
work
Correct article usage
a work
show examples
 environment,
work
Use synonyms
 attitude, and
work
Use synonyms
dicipline
Correct your spelling
discipline
 for
teenagers
Use synonyms
 at their young ages.
This
Linking Words
 lesson will build
teenanger's
Correct your spelling
teenager's
teenagers
charactes
Correct your spelling
characters
character
 to become more tough, strong mental,
independent
Correct quantifier usage
more independent
show examples
, and
dicipline
Correct your spelling
discipline
disciplined
. In fact
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, these will
consumed
Change the verb form
consume
show examples
 a lot of their
rest
Use synonyms
 time, despite the amount of money they
got
Verb problem
have
show examples
, will
paid
Change the verb form
pay
be paid
show examples
 off all of the tired.
For instance
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 condition
closely
Add a missing verb
is closely
show examples
 related to
teenagers
Use synonyms
 from low-economy
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
. They
forced
Add a missing verb
are forced
show examples
 to gain more money at their
your
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
age to help
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
fullfill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 the
family
Change noun form
family's
show examples
 needs. But, in the future, most of these
tenagers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
 have
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 tough mental to face the world.
Second,
Linking Words
we cannot deny that taking
rest
Use synonyms
 right
after-school
Correct your spelling
after school
show examples
 is necessary for students to recharge their body and mind. We know that they had
spend
Change the verb form
spent
show examples
 their whole energy to be focused on studying various lessons at school.
consequently
Linking Words
, they must have
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
rest
Use synonyms
 in enough time to gain their energy and be focused
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the next day.
For instance
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 condition highly
correlate
Change the verb form
correlates
show examples
 with
teenagers
Use synonyms
 from rich
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
. their parents just wanting the best for their
childern
Correct your spelling
children
.
however
Linking Words
, some of these
teenagers
Use synonyms
 will be fragile
in
Change preposition
apply
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mentally
since
Change preposition
because of
show examples
 the lack of
experiencing
Replace the word
experience
show examples
 of facing
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 highly suggest
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teenagers
Use synonyms
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
take
part-time
Add an article
a part-time
show examples
 job to build their character in the best way and gain more
succesfulll
Correct your spelling
success
 at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
.

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task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, but it's important to directly state your own opinion in the introduction and consistently support it throughout the essay. Add more clear examples and details in both body paragraphs to strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Use linkers more effectively to connect your ideas and ensure each paragraph flows smoothly from one point to the next. Try using transitional phrases or linking words to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Consider revising for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to enhance clarity and readability.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which outline the main points and recap your personal stance.
task achievement
The essay successfully covers both perspectives of the issue and provides a balanced view.
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