Some pepole say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and becom disciplined. Others argue that teenagers should not sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work . Discusee both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, most
of
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apply
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teenagers
are struggling to enjoy their life
due to
all
expensive
Correct article usage
the expensive
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things.
Thus
, some peoples
sugest
Correct your spelling
suggest
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that them
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them
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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take
part-time
Correct article usage
a part-time
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job after-school
tu fullfill
Correct your spelling
to fulfil
their needs, and
improtantly
Correct your spelling
importantly
, to build an understanding of
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
environment, tough character and
dicipline habbits
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discipline habits
.
However
, some other people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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prefered
Correct your spelling
prefer
to enjoy a short
teenager
Replace the word
teenage
show examples
time to do fun activities or just relax their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
while
taking
rest
Correct article usage
a rest
show examples
right after school. In fact
that
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apply
show examples
, these both views are true for some relevant families, that depend on their
economy
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economic
show examples
condition.
Therefore
, I agree
to
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with
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both views.
Although
Correct word choice
However
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, in fact
that
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apply
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teenagers
with
taking
Wrong verb form
take
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jobs will have better characters than others.
These
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This
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essay elaborated
my
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on my
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opinions
First,
part-time
work
will
initially
introduce
work
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a work
show examples
environment,
work
attitude, and
work
dicipline
Correct your spelling
discipline
for
teenagers
at their young ages.
This
lesson will build
teenanger's
Correct your spelling
teenager's
teenagers
charactes
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characters
character
to become more tough, strong mental,
independent
Correct quantifier usage
more independent
show examples
, and
dicipline
Correct your spelling
discipline
disciplined
. In fact
that
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apply
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, these will
consumed
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consume
show examples
a lot of their
rest
time, despite the amount of money they
got
Verb problem
have
show examples
, will
paid
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pay
be paid
show examples
off all of the tired.
For instance
,
this
condition
closely
Add a missing verb
is closely
show examples
related to
teenagers
from low-economy
family
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families
show examples
. They
forced
Add a missing verb
are forced
show examples
to gain more money at their
your
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apply
show examples
age to help
parents
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their parents
show examples
fullfill
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fulfil
the
family
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family's
show examples
needs. But, in the future, most of these
tenagers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
have
very
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a very
show examples
tough mental to face the world.
Second,
we cannot deny that taking
rest
right
after-school
Correct your spelling
after school
show examples
is necessary for students to recharge their body and mind. We know that they had
spend
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spent
show examples
their whole energy to be focused on studying various lessons at school.
consequently
, they must have
Add an article
a high
the high
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high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
of
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apply
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rest
in enough time to gain their energy and be focused
in
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apply
show examples
the next day.
For instance
,
this
condition highly
correlate
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correlates
show examples
with
teenagers
from rich
family
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families
show examples
. their parents just wanting the best for their
childern
Correct your spelling
children
.
however
, some of these
teenagers
will be fragile
in
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apply
show examples
mentally
since
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because of
show examples
the lack of
experiencing
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experience
show examples
of facing
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
.
To sum up
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
highly suggest
for
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apply
show examples
teenagers
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
take
part-time
Add an article
a part-time
show examples
job to build their character in the best way and gain more
succesfulll
Correct your spelling
success
at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
young
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
.
Submitted by putri on

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task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, but it's important to directly state your own opinion in the introduction and consistently support it throughout the essay. Add more clear examples and details in both body paragraphs to strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Use linkers more effectively to connect your ideas and ensure each paragraph flows smoothly from one point to the next. Try using transitional phrases or linking words to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Consider revising for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to enhance clarity and readability.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which outline the main points and recap your personal stance.
task achievement
The essay successfully covers both perspectives of the issue and provides a balanced view.
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