Some think spending a lot on birthday celebration and weddings is a waste of money. Others think that it is important for young people and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In
this
contemporary epoch, every individual
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
their own
perpestive
Correct your spelling
perspective
regarding their own choice and favours to be made . It all depends on each
life
.
However
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
opine that considering both views will reach
nut
Correct your spelling
out
show examples
to the shell
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the end. Moving towards the
people
who love to explore and enjoy their own
life
with their families and relatives . The one who always
try
Correct subject-verb agreement
tries
show examples
to influence
themseleves
Correct your spelling
themselves
in social gatherings.Those
people
love to spend their own money with no doubts on the parties and weddings . As
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
see money rather than happiness . They always choose to enjoy every bit of their lifespan creating memories and exploring different cultures and
people
. It plays
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
crucial role and makes their
life
happy for
such
people
. On the other side, there is
also
a society
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
cannot afford
such
happiness because of their lower
life
standard .
Moreover
,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
a
belife
Correct your spelling
belief
that wasting money on birthdays , parties or
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any other occasion wouldn't be a wise decision for some of them even with
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
standard
life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
.
Infact
Correct your spelling
In fact
such
individuals like to support or care for poor
people
, they
also
like to donate for
animals
Change the noun form
animal
show examples
support.
Such
greatful
Correct your spelling
great
minds believe that
such
satisfaction would make them happy . Coming to the end, we all know
every body
Correct your spelling
everybody
show examples
thave
Correct your spelling
have
show examples
their own
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
to think and take decisions in their
life
. So, I personally support both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
views have their different perspectives. Both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
are right
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
own situations.
Submitted by drashtichotaliya12 on

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Task Achievement
Clarify ideas: ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and systematically develop it. Avoid ambiguity in expressing opinions.
Task Achievement
Support main points: provide more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your argument and illustrate points better.
Coherence and Cohesion
Structure introduction and conclusion more clearly: the introduction should clearly state what the essay will discuss, and the conclusion should summarize main points without introducing new ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve logical flow: connect ideas more seamlessly with linking words and ensure each idea follows logically from the previous one.
Task Achievement
Discussed both sides: you have successfully addressed both sides of the argument made regarding spending on celebrations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good use of vocabulary: you have used a variety of words and phrases, demonstrating an attempt to express ideas variedly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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