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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie graphs show the nutritional consistency of two dinners. Write a report to a university lecturer describing the data.

The pie graphs show the nutritional consistency of two dinners. Write a report to a university lecturer describing the data.
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The pie charts compare the nutrition proportions, which
contain
Wrong verb form
are contained
show examples
 in two different
dinner
Change to a plural noun
dinners
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
,it can be clearly seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 both moderate baked
potato
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
macaroni
Use synonyms
 contain
excessive
Add an article
the excessive
show examples
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 of
carbohydrate
Fix the agreement mistake
carbohydrates
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each,
while
Linking Words
proteine
Correct your spelling
protein
 is the second largest proportion in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both diets.
Medium
Add an article
A medium
show examples
 baked
potato
Use synonyms
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
conains
Correct your spelling
contains
 35% of
carbohydrate
Fix the agreement mistake
carbohydrates
show examples
, and
proteine
Correct your spelling
protein
 potion is at one-quarter.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,glucose is just close
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 one-tenth of fried
potato
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
macoroni
Correct your spelling
macaroni
macarons
meet
Correct subject-verb agreement
meets
show examples
 that
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
at 11%,
wchich
Correct your spelling
which
similar
Add a missing verb
is similar
show examples
 to
protein
Correct article usage
the protein
show examples
 content in
macaroni
Use synonyms
 too.
in contrast
Linking Words
,the massive percentage of the
carbohydrat
Correct your spelling
carbohydrate
carbohydrates
 include in
macaroni
Use synonyms
 with 52%.
Incomparison
Correct your spelling
In comparison
,only 10% of
sturated
Correct your spelling
saturated
 fat is carried by the
half boiled
Add a hyphen
half-boiled
show examples
potato
Use synonyms
,and that of almost twice as many as in the
macaroni
Use synonyms
.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 other subsequent segments stood at 5% in the meal of a
macroni
Correct your spelling
macaroni
,
while
Linking Words
 that of
three fold
Add a hyphen
three-fold
show examples
 larger in the baked
potato
Use synonyms
 with 15%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words potato, macaroni with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutritional consistency
  • carbohydrates
  • proteins
  • fats
  • vitamins
  • minerals
  • fiber
  • proportion
  • component
  • pie graph
  • comparison
  • significant
  • balance
  • healthy
  • dietary choices
  • implications
  • absent
  • presence
  • macro-nutrients
  • micro-nutrients
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