IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Do you think people should start their work early age for so that they can lead a happy life after retirement?

#people #work #age #life #retirement
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Because of longer
life
span
Add a comma
span,
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people
 need to work till
older
Add an article
an older
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 age. Thousands of individuals
considere
Correct your spelling
consider
considered
 that they should
hared
Verb problem
have
show examples
 work from
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
 age as a solution. I deeply agree with
this
 statement that it is not only beneficial
fore
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
people
 but
also
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. I will discuss
details
Correct article usage
the details
show examples
 in the following paragraphs. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a wide range of
reeasons
Correct your spelling
reasons
.
Firstly
, the young stars have
capability
Change the article
the capability
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 to work hard. They can struggle
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
 without any
break
Fix the agreement mistake
breaks
show examples
. No need to spend
huge
Fix the agreement mistake
a lot of
show examples
time
for
Change preposition
apply
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taking
rest
Correct article usage
a rest
show examples
.
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
show examples
 the young workers can face any challenging moment,
whereas
 old employees
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fail to do
this
. They can be disappointed easily. After that, young
people
 can keep in mind each and everything for
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 period. But the oldest
peresons
Correct your spelling
persons
person
 can forget any crucial matter.
Besides
, youth workers
con
Correct your spelling
can
show examples
 move
one
Change preposition
from one
show examples
 place to
anorthers
Correct your spelling
another
 without any hassle. On the flip side,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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oldere
Correct your spelling
older
 employees need to take their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 with them.
As a result
, it can be more expensive
Furthermore
, when
people
 go to retirement at the
last
 moment of
life
this
time
 can be crucial for them. They are not
abale
Correct your spelling
able
 to move
one
Change preposition
from one
show examples
 to another without
otheres
Correct your spelling
others
cooperate
Wrong verb form
cooperating
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. If they don't have resources no one take care
them
Change preposition
of them
show examples
.
In addition
, they have to take a lot of medicines. At the same
time
, to keep fit
Correct word choice
and health
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health
Replace the word
healthy
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, healthy food should be
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 every single day. So, if they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 have extra currency
people
 would be disappointed
their
Change preposition
in their
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 daily
life
. To feel
comfort
Replace the word
comfortable
show examples
, need to
weare
Correct your spelling
wear
varities
Correct your spelling
varieties
dresses
Change preposition
of dresses
show examples
. In conclusion, it can be noticed from
above
Correct article usage
the above
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 discussion that
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 should
be choose
Change the verb form
be chosen
show examples
 from early
life
 so that
people
 can overcome all tough
sisuations
Correct your spelling
situations
end
Change preposition
at end
show examples
 of the
life
.
Submitted by nazmulrafi023 on

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grammar
Make sure to check for spelling and grammar errors such as 'conside', 'reeasons', 'anorthers', 'abale', etc. Simple mistakes can distract the reader.
coherence
Try to structure your paragraphs with clear topic sentences and supporting details to ensure a logical flow of ideas.
task response
Use more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and concrete.
structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame your essay.
task response
You have addressed the topic directly and provided a viewpoint which is consistent throughout.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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