Do you think people should start their work early age for so that they can lead a happy life after retirement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Because of longer
life
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span
Add a comma
span,
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people
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need to work till
older
Add an article
an older
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age. Thousands of individuals
considere
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consider
considered
that they should
hared
Verb problem
have
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work from
early
Add an article
an early
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age as a solution. I deeply agree with
this
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statement that it is not only beneficial
fore
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for
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people
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but
also
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for
the
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apply
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society. I will discuss
details
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the details
show examples
in the following paragraphs. There
are
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is
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a wide range of
reeasons
Correct your spelling
reasons
.
Firstly
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, the young stars have
capability
Change the article
the capability
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to work hard. They can struggle
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
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without any
break
Fix the agreement mistake
breaks
show examples
. No need to spend
huge
Fix the agreement mistake
a lot of
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time
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for
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apply
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taking
rest
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a rest
show examples
.
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Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
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the young workers can face any challenging moment,
whereas
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old employees
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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fail to do
this
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. They can be disappointed easily. After that, young
people
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can keep in mind each and everything for
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
period. But the oldest
peresons
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persons
person
can forget any crucial matter.
Besides
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, youth workers
con
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can
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move
one
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from one
show examples
place to
anorthers
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another
without any hassle. On the flip side,
the
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apply
show examples
oldere
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older
employees need to take their
family
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families
show examples
with them.
As a result
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, it can be more expensive
Furthermore
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, when
people
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go to retirement at the
last
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moment of
life
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this
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time
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can be crucial for them. They are not
abale
Correct your spelling
able
to move
one
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from one
show examples
to another without
otheres
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others
cooperate
Wrong verb form
cooperating
show examples
. If they don't have resources no one take care
them
Change preposition
of them
show examples
.
In addition
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, they have to take a lot of medicines. At the same
time
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, to keep fit
Correct word choice
and health
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health
Replace the word
healthy
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, healthy food should be
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
every single day. So, if they
dont
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don't
have extra currency
people
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would be disappointed
their
Change preposition
in their
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daily
life
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. To feel
comfort
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comfortable
show examples
, need to
weare
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wear
varities
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varieties
dresses
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of dresses
show examples
. In conclusion, it can be noticed from
above
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the above
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discussion that
job
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a job
show examples
should
be choose
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be chosen
show examples
from early
life
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so that
people
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can overcome all tough
sisuations
Correct your spelling
situations
end
Change preposition
at end
show examples
of the
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by nazmulrafi023 on

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grammar
Make sure to check for spelling and grammar errors such as 'conside', 'reeasons', 'anorthers', 'abale', etc. Simple mistakes can distract the reader.
coherence
Try to structure your paragraphs with clear topic sentences and supporting details to ensure a logical flow of ideas.
task response
Use more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and concrete.
structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame your essay.
task response
You have addressed the topic directly and provided a viewpoint which is consistent throughout.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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