IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that it's a good idea to socialize with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it’s important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, a number of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that socializing with
colleagues
Use synonyms
 is a better idea and others are prior to their work.
However
Linking Words
, there are some benefits to having
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 with co-workers like improving knowledge, and clarification, which we will discuss in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, some
people
Use synonyms
 think spending
time
Use synonyms
 with
colleagues
Use synonyms
 is the best way to develop knowledge.
For instance
Linking Words
, my close friend is an engineer, and his innovation and action abilities are different and more brilliant, he said to me like: that he spent more
time
Use synonyms
 with their
colleagues
Use synonyms
 to get a piece of information.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 have some doubts about their work and personal issues and they need to clarify the problems, So, they can keep in touch with
colleagues
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can benefit from co-workers
while
Linking Words
 spending their
time
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that not interact with
colleagues
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 their social life.
For example
Linking Words
, a scientist from Europe, in recent
time
Use synonyms
 he gave data to the World Organization about introverted persons, who are not well connected with
colleagues
Use synonyms
, social events,
as well as
Linking Words
 family, they are getting severe stress and need additional care to support them mentally.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, technology is the best thing to earn more information
as well as
Linking Words
 settle down for the employees
due to
Linking Words
 their robotic lifestyle.
To conclude
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 recommend spending
time
Use synonyms
 with
colleagues
Use synonyms
, they can get more benefits like sharing their work and personal issues, and gaining knowledge but working
people
Use synonyms
 are like: have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
severe stress and live like robots without any happiness. I would suggest having a good
time
Use synonyms
 with your co-workers, it can lead you to more achievement like my friend.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that the essay directly addresses all parts of the prompt. While the essay provides views from both sides, the personal opinion could be expressed more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
The main points should be clearly outlined in the introduction. Consider summarizing the main arguments briefly.
coherence and cohesion
Use signposting words to enhance cohesion and guide the reader through the arguments (e.g., 'Firstly', 'In contrast', 'However').
task achievement
The essay presents both views on the topic, which aligns with the requirements of the task.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
There is a use of real-life examples to support the main ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • networking opportunities
  • team bonding
  • professional growth
  • informal settings
  • mental boundaries
  • workplace dynamics
  • personal interests
  • burnout prevention
  • conflict of interest
What to do next:
Look at other essays: