IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In recent years, the structure of a family and the role of its members are gradually band changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative?

#years #structure #role #members #band #kinds #changes
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent times, the structure of a family and the role of the
members
Use synonyms
 in a family are changing. The changes are
families
Use synonyms
 are becoming smaller, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elderly
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
families
Use synonyms
 are no longer taking
care
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
. I personally believe that these changes are negative because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
reduces
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduce
show examples
 the bond among the
members
Use synonyms
 and in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 of need there is no one to help them.
Families
Use synonyms
 are getting smaller these days. Today, many
families
Use synonyms
 are nuclear
families
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
families
Use synonyms
 in the past were
expended
Correct your spelling
extended
show examples
families
Use synonyms
 with a large number of
members
Use synonyms
. Today,
families
Use synonyms
 only have parents and
children
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the role of family
members
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 changing because
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as the grandparents are no longer taking
care
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
.
Elderly
Correct article usage
The elderly
show examples
 nowadays live separately and
children
Use synonyms
 are raised in daycare centers.
For example
Linking Words
, in Australia,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
families
Use synonyms
 raise their
children
Use synonyms
 in daycare because their grandparents do not live with them. I personally believe that these two changes are negative because they decrease family bonding.
Children
Use synonyms
 do not learn to love and respect their elderly because they do not live with them.
As a result
Linking Words
, it affects the bond between the old and young
members
Use synonyms
 of a family.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in the nuclear
families
Use synonyms
, there is no one available to take
care
Use synonyms
 of the
members
Use synonyms
 in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 time of need. Many nuclear
families
Use synonyms
 struggle with
this
Linking Words
.
For example
Linking Words
, in a nuclear family, if the mother gets sick, there is no one to take
care
Use synonyms
 of the
children
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
families
Use synonyms
 are becoming nuclear nowadays and the grandparents of a family do not take
care
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
children
Correct article usage
the children
show examples
. These trends affect the family bond and
families
Use synonyms
 suffer in the time of need.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Try to be more specific and detailed in your arguments to strengthen your response. For instance, explain more about how smaller family sizes impact individuals or how the lack of elderly care affects children's upbringing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the cohesion between paragraphs by using more linking words and transitional phrases to ensure a smooth flow of ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy to follow the main ideas.
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task and discusses both types of changes in family structure and roles effectively.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: