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Writing Samples
Band 5

In recent years, the structure of a family and the role of its members are gradually band changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative?

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In recent times, the structure of a family and the role of the
members
 in a family are changing. The changes are
families
 are becoming smaller, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elderly
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
families
 are no longer taking
care
 of
children
. I personally believe that these changes are negative because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
reduces
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduce
show examples
 the bond among the
members
 and in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 of need there is no one to help them.
Families
 are getting smaller these days. Today, many
families
 are nuclear
families
.
However
,
families
 in the past were
expended
Correct your spelling
extended
show examples
families
 with a large number of
members
. Today,
families
 only have parents and
children
.
In addition
, the role of family
members
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 changing because
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
such
 as the grandparents are no longer taking
care
 of
children
.
Elderly
Correct article usage
The elderly
show examples
 nowadays live separately and
children
 are raised in daycare centers.
For example
, in Australia,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
families
 raise their
children
 in daycare because their grandparents do not live with them. I personally believe that these two changes are negative because they decrease family bonding.
Children
 do not learn to love and respect their elderly because they do not live with them.
As a result
, it affects the bond between the old and young
members
 of a family.
Moreover
, in the nuclear
families
, there is no one available to take
care
 of the
members
 in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 time of need. Many nuclear
families
 struggle with
this
.
For example
, in a nuclear family, if the mother gets sick, there is no one to take
care
 of the
children
. In conclusion,
families
 are becoming nuclear nowadays and the grandparents of a family do not take
care
 of
children
Correct article usage
the children
show examples
. These trends affect the family bond and
families
 suffer in the time of need.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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Task Achievement
Try to be more specific and detailed in your arguments to strengthen your response. For instance, explain more about how smaller family sizes impact individuals or how the lack of elderly care affects children's upbringing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the cohesion between paragraphs by using more linking words and transitional phrases to ensure a smooth flow of ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy to follow the main ideas.
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task and discusses both types of changes in family structure and roles effectively.
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