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Band 5

Some people think young people are not suitable for important position in the government while other people think it is a good idea for young people to take on the positions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #position #government #idea #positions
There are a lot of contradictions for young
people
 working in the
government
 as most
people
 think that they are not suitable for the position.
On the contrary
, some
people
 think that it is a good idea for young
people
 to take on these positions.
Although
 I believe that working in the
government
 needs a lot of experience and requires trial and error, I am not against young
people
 working in the
government
 as they might bring new ideas and be more awake to current situations. Society has concerns regarding who is in charge of the
government
 as they think young
people
 might lack experience and it will be dangerous for their jobs.
For instance
, a study from the University of Wales shows that experiences and interests in political matters will make a huge difference in outstanding results in making difficult decisions.
However
, young
people
 tend to bring new and fresh ideas to the circle which might lead to a breakthrough and improvement to the old regulations.
For instance
, currently, in Indonesia, they have the youngest vice president in history since 1945.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 most societies have doubts about his capability to rule a country, he still wins the election and breaks the chain of rule.
To conclude
, an important position in the
government
 for young
people
 might be dangerous
due to
 their lack of experience, but sometimes it is good because they might bring new ideas and make improvements to the old regulations.
Submitted by adedode on

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task achievement
Develop your arguments further to strengthen the discussion on both perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer signposting language to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that all supporting examples directly relate to the main points you are discussing.
task achievement
The essay successfully presents both viewpoints and concludes with the writer’s opinion.
task achievement
Uses relevant examples to support arguments.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are well-structured, clearly presenting the topic and wrapping up the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • deep understanding
  • professional relationships
  • effective governance
  • fresh and innovative ideas
  • modernizing government policies
  • contemporary issues
  • familiarity with technology
  • social media
  • digital age
  • adaptable
  • open to change
  • progressive policies
  • emotional maturity
  • decision-making skills
  • gravitas
  • authority
  • leadership positions
  • democratic representation
  • policymaking
  • balanced and inclusive governance
  • competence
  • passion
  • dedication
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