Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The past 50 years have seen a dramatic increase in financial assistance from affluent countries to undeveloped
nations
.
This
raises a certain question about the efficiency of
such
help in eradicating poverty. Some may argue that
this
is the powerful nation's responsibility to help poor countries,
while
, I believe that these are superficial helps and more fundamental changes should be applied to these sorts of help. The reasons for
this
are as follows. First of all, it is an irrefutable fact that the influx of financial help to undeveloped
nations
to excess would have a significant role in bringing up a more dependent country. Imagine the negative traits like laziness and futility that would emerge if people get used to receiving
such
financial aid. Having received money without effort , people are unlikely to work hard and make progress in the future. So, if governments wish to be consistent in pursuing their dreams against poverty, they should contribute to reinforcing the foundation of poor
nations
.
Secondly
and even more flourishing could be cooperation in enhancing educational systems in undeveloped
nations
. One particularly salient example of
this
is Japan. Despite having no natural resources, it has been converted into one of the most powerful countries in the world
due to
high educational standards. Learning skills like innovative thinking, hard work, perseverance and teamwork from school age have the potential to contribute to society's progress and wealth.
To conclude
, given the disadvantageous consequences associated with direct financial aid to undeveloped
nations
, I feel that improving education systems will be more beneficial.
Submitted by golriiz.azizi1991 on

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task achievement
Expand on the argument about financial aid leading to dependency with more examples or research findings.
task achievement
Consider discussing potential challenges in implementing educational reforms as another perspective.
coherence cohesion
Use clear topic sentences to guide the reader through each paragraph more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good structure.
task achievement
The essay provides a compelling argument with a relevant example of Japan to support the main point about education.
task achievement
The ideas are generally clear and comprehensive, contributing to a well-rounded response.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
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