Most people enjoy holidays and travel and tourism is a billion-dollar industry. All over the world people are traveling either for business or pleasure or both. People who can afford to or have free time go away frequently for short holidays or on weekends. Others who are working or studying try to take a holiday at least once a year, away from home and work or studies. What are the benefits of travel? Give good reasons and specific examples to support your opinion.

Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
of people are spending their holidays travelling, and
this
has become one of the most well-paid industries. Some people would go often for short vacations, and others
are enjoying
Wrong verb form
enjoy
show examples
going to another country once a year, depending on their budget. Travelling has a variety of benefits for our mental health,
also
it helps us to expand our views about the world and other cultures. On the one hand, travelling is a very important element of our development considering that exploring new places increases our senses
such
as smell, visual observation, and hearing, and
also
enhances our sense of
observations
Fix the agreement mistake
observation
show examples
.
Moreover
, some people prefer to go for a city break and explore
cultural
Add an article
the cultural
show examples
heritage of other nations,
therefore
, they learn about different customs, try new
cuisine
Fix the agreement mistake
cuisines
show examples
or they might interact with locals.
For instance
, an article from 2015 explained that learning about new cultures will benefit our critical thinking and will increase our IQ.
On the other hand
, travelling can benefit enormously our mental health. I can say that outdoor activities are a great way to recreate ourselves.
Moreover
, activities
such
as hiking, mountain climbing, and jogging in the forest, can help us reconnect with nature.
For example
, some studies showed that regularly exploring new places will decrease the risk of dementia by 60%. In conclusion, I believe that tourism can benefit both the locals and
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
. Cultural exchange is a great way to understand more about each other and to accept and cherish our differences.
Moreover
, it brings lots of benefits for our mental and physical condition.
Submitted by tomavaleria42 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Work on developing more specific examples to support your points. Adding real statistics or case studies could enhance the relevance and strength of your arguments.
task achievement
Consider providing more detailed and clear explanations for some of your ideas. This will help in making your argument more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a consistent flow between paragraphs. Although your points are understandable, linking them seamlessly could enhance overall cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for discussing the benefits of travel.
coherence cohesion
The essay concludes well by summarizing the main points and reiterating the benefits of travel.
task achievement
You successfully identify the main benefits of travel in terms of both personal development and mental health, providing a broad perspective on the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!