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Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more companies are willing to view graduates of online universities on an equal level as those who attended brick-and-mortar classrooms. Discuss the advantages of both styles of learning as it relates to the working world.

#companies #graduates #universities #level #classrooms #styles #world
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A lot of employers in our time are ready to hire
on
Change preposition
apply
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job vacancies
students
 from online universities alongside young people after graduating from ordinary
university
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universities
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. The advantages of classical university education are clearly outweighed by e-learning
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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,
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apply
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 since definitely useful versatile skills in work like real communication with
teacher
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teachers
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, teamwork, public protection of works
as well as
 academic practical training can be obtained by
students
 only in offline educational
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
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. On the one hand, new technologies give plenty of beneficial opportunities for future
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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. In electronic classrooms can
participated
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participate
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 scientists and experts from other big companies or even countries.
Such
 participation of specialists allows young people to learn
causes
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about causes
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,
successful
Correct word choice
and successful
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 approaches in specific
sphere
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spheres
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.
Moreover
,
students
 can
also
 complete tasks and get objective feedback in
online
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an online
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 way as well and
this
 communication can happen much faster and more
convenient
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conveniently
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.
On the other hand
, in the work environment are extremely important business communication skills, public speaking and teamwork which can not
be obtain
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be obtained
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 without live involvement in the process. At the
university
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university,
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 a student grows in society and develops as a person learns to solve sudden tasks and problems,
tries
Correct word choice
and tries
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 himself in various fields,
associations
Correct word choice
and associations
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. Nowadays just hard skills and knowledge are not enough for a personal brand, employers expect proactive, adaptive and sociable employees.
This
 is
universities
Correct word choice
because universities
show examples
 cultivate
in
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apply
show examples
interns and only with
such
 education person can be really competitive in the labour market. In conclusion, technological progress
permit
Correct subject-verb agreement
permits
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 to get a variety of knowledge in interesting formats, but
this
 still does not make
students
 profitable employees. I believe
brick-and-mortar
Correct article usage
the brick-and-mortar
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 style of education has more benefits and evolves sociability,
discovers
Correct word choice
and discovers
show examples
 talents in young people.
Submitted by Baki on

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clarity
Try to improve the clarity of some sentences. For example, the sentence about specialists participating in electronic classrooms is a bit complex and hard to follow.
examples
Include specific examples to demonstrate the advantages of each learning style in the working world. This will enhance your arguments.
coherence
To enhance coherence, use linking words and transitional phrases more effectively to connect your ideas.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the overall argument.
content
The main ideas about the advantages of both online and traditional learning are covered.
relevance
You highlighted important skills such as communication and teamwork that are relevant to the working world.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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