Some people believe that the range of technology available to individuals today is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people. Others say that it is having the opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Undoubtedly,Using of
technology
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increases
Wrong verb form
has increased
show examples
these days.All
people
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from various levels
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use
Wrong verb form
have used
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it recently.Few
people
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believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
technology
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make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
a gap between citizens from high class and low level.
Howerever
Correct your spelling
However
there are many
people
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disagree
Correct pronoun usage
who disagree
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wit
Correct your spelling
with
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this
Linking Words
statement.Personally.I think
technology
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gathering
Wrong verb form
gathers
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all the
people
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around the world and
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
chance to many individuals to know more about poor
people
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.
This
Linking Words
essay will delve into the details of the given topic,
along with
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some
carroborating
Correct your spelling
corroborating
examples to support it. To being with,
Technology
Use synonyms
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
the world
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a small village.Anyone can communicate with their friends or relatives everywhere.It
make
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makes
show examples
people
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very close
from
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to
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each other.It has many advantages.
Firstly
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,all
people
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know more about poverty and places that
faces
Change the verb form
face
show examples
this
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issue.We find many rich
people
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visit different areas to help poor
people
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and provide a good life for them.
For instance
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,There is
famous
Correct article usage
a famous
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show program
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
TV
talk
Correct pronoun usage
that talk
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about
Omani
Correct article usage
an Omani
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business man
Correct your spelling
businessman
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who
help
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helps
show examples
many families in many different nations.I think it is very useful because he will encourage many
people
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to follow him.
Secondly
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,
Technology
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give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
poor
people
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a chance to learn from rich
people
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.
For instance
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,Knowing how those
people
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built their
wealthy
Replace the word
wealth
show examples
.
lastly
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,Nowadays,Social media allow
for
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apply
show examples
many young
people
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to show their projects on media and many
people
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sport them.
For example
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,Snapchat. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
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hand,Some
people
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argue that
technology
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making distance between poor and rich
people
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.There are many reasons for that.Rich
people
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show their happy and perfect life
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct article usage
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.In the present ,
people
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respect only rich ones and
did
Wrong verb form
do
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not care about
people
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who need
for
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apply
show examples
help.
In addition
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,Devices
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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very expensive so only rich
people
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can
by
Correct your spelling
buy
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.I think that
technology
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has many benefits like
give
Change the verb form
giving
show examples
poor
people
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opportunities to
use
Use synonyms
it for several reasons.
For instance
Linking Words
,education,communication and business.
To sum up
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,
Technology
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are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
useful for all
people
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.They should
use
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it in a good way and make balance.They should not
influences
Wrong verb form
be influenced
show examples
by bad ideas and thoughts and
use
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
only to achieve their dreams.
Submitted by mrym05411 on

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task achievement
Ensure to answer all parts of the task. You've addressed both views but make your opinion clearer and more distinctively positioned. While you have given your opinion, it gets somewhat lost within the text.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into distinct paragraphs, ensuring each paragraph contains a single clear idea. The essay shows structure, but some paragraphs could have clearer separation of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to clarify the relationship between ideas within and between sentences.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument and provided personal opinion, which aligns well with the task.
task achievement
A good attempt to include examples to illustrate your points, making your arguments more tangible.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are distinct, providing a clear structure to the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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