IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that children are having too much free time and this time should be used to study more. To what extent do you agree with this statement

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Youngsters can be seen having a lot of spare
time
Use synonyms
 these days,
hence
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 many people suggest that they should be encouraged to invest extra hours
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education.
Whereas
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, I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and I believe that extra hours should
also
Linking Words
 be used for playing and the development of other significant skills. I will discuss
regarding
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 in the upcoming paragraphs. First of all, it is
appreciative
Replace the word
appreciated
show examples
 if children are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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motivated to study and clear their concepts whenever they get
moment
Add an article
a moment
show examples
 to do so.
Also
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,
this
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 way they can keep
themeselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
 away from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smartphones and
ipads
Correct your spelling
pads
.
For example
Linking Words
, if parents can sit with their young ones, help them personally
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 queries and leave their phones as well for some
time
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 definitely even 15 minutes per day would bring fruitful results and young ones can pass with flying colours.
Therefore
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, it can be said,
using
Correct word choice
that using
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 extra
time
Use synonyms
 wisely can be helpful to make them studious and academically successful.
Secondly
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, there are various other ways to
enthrall
Change the spelling
enthral
show examples
 children into something useful rather than letting them scroll on the screens.
For example
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, they should be cheered to play outside games if not
then
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 inside play. So that they can develop their brain and foster imagination
along with
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 cognitive thinking more effectively by doing numerous activities rather than scratching their heads
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 notebooks and books.
Hence
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, it can be seen that there are other ways to make pupils smarter and
creative
Correct quantifier usage
more creative
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 in leisure evenings.
To conclude
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, I ponder where education can do its
wonder
Fix the agreement mistake
wonders
show examples
, additional activities are
also
Linking Words
 not less than
miracle
Fix the agreement mistake
miracles
show examples
.
Therefore
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, there is
need
Correct article usage
a need
show examples
 to understand the limitations and benefits of each and every other involvement of pupils in their free
time
Use synonyms
 for their swift growth.

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linguistic accuracy
There are some instances where word choice and grammatical structures could be improved for clarity and accuracy. Consider reviewing complex sentences for potential errors.
language variety
Be mindful of repetitive phrases, as varying vocabulary can make the essay more engaging and sophisticated. Consider using synonyms and varied sentence structures.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is linked to the main topic. This helps the reader clearly follow the argument you are presenting.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion, setting a clear framework for your points.
task response
You effectively address the prompt by acknowledging both perspectives and providing a balanced view, which indicates a good understanding of the task.
task support
Relevant examples are used to support points, particularly in the discussion about the alternatives to study during free time.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • detrimental effects
  • mental well-being
  • life skills
  • communication
  • teamwork
  • empathy
  • physical development
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • unstructured play
  • cognitive development
  • academic performance
  • fatigue
  • motivation
  • quality over quantity
  • work-life balance
  • time management
  • well-rounded personality
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