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Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, bussiness and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely Discuss both these views an give your own opinion

#people #information #research #bussiness #world #give
Most
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 resulted in valuable
information
 that be implemented continuously for future developments.
People
 may perceive it differently, some believe the
information
 can be opened to the public,
while
 others prefer to keep it locked from the public
due to
 some reasons. Personally, I side with making valuable
information
 accessible for
people
 rather than keeping it secretive. Researchers would be easier to acquire the
information
 by looking at previous discoveries. It would be useful for them to elevate their
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
, which can
also
 create a new invention
that is
 renewed and refined for improving other principles in various aspects.
For example
, new techniques that can cure a malignant disease
such
 as cancer, have been found by scientists by utilizing past records of the patients and details regarding the advanced technology, which has higher
potentials
Fix the agreement mistake
potential
show examples
 in exterminating cancer.
On the other hand
, some scientists may view valuable
information
 as a precious asset to be shared widely.
Thus
, the
information
 usually requires fees to be accessed by the public as part of giving
apprecations
Correct your spelling
appreciation
show examples
 and
respects
Fix the agreement mistake
respect
show examples
 to the respective scientist who pulls out big efforts to obtain it.
Nevertheless
, not many
people
 can afford the fee and it could hinder them continue their explorations, which
also
 can prevent new discoveries that would probably make changes
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the future To summarize, most researchers definitely have their reasonings and the
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
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 to determine whether they permit other
people
 to access or use the
information
 or keep it exclusive.
However
, considering the changes that other scientists could make by valuing the
information
,
then
 it would be better to release the full
information
 to the public as a part of support for creating big impacts
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the world.
Submitted by hanalyaa29 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure to clearly separate different viewpoints in the essay. The transition between discussing open sharing and restricted sharing could be made more distinct for better clarity.
task achievement
Try to expand on how shared information specifically benefits or hinders different stakeholders, such as researchers, businesses, or society at large, to provide a more balanced task response.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, consider making them more specific by tying them directly to the perspectives discussed, emphasising your own opinion more strongly in the conclusion.
task achievement
The essay’s introduction clearly outlines the debate and positions the writer’s opinion effectively, setting a good foundation for the arguments that follow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay concludes with a clear summary of the discussed points, highlighting the potential benefits of information sharing in scientific and academic contexts.
task achievement
The essay uses relevant examples, such as the development of cancer treatment, to illustrate the benefits of shared information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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