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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree?

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Introduction
Teenagers nowadays spend their
time
Use synonyms
 studying academic subjects, but it is suggested by some
for them to
Correct word choice
that they
show examples
 try out the work field. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view, since there are valid reasons to support my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, even a small amount of
time
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 spent working can have a significant impact on setting a more precise plan for the future,
for
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example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 what field to choose for
further
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 studies.
Therefore
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, adolescents save
time
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 that could be spent
in
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apply
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switching to a different degree
programe
Correct your spelling
program
, because they feel like the previous one didn’t work out. Via understanding how employment operates
it
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, it
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 is
therefore
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 easier for individuals to gain a clearer understanding of their destined career path, by either liking and seeing themselves in it or not.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, practical activities become as important as the theoretical ones, where it is said that through practical work experience, the young people understand what economic independence is truly about. Indeed, through getting and saving the money they earn, students learn gradually how to manage their income,
thus
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 not having to deal with
this
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 problem after graduating.
Body paragraph 3
In addition
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 to that, having a job could help teenagers develop their character. By interacting with
costumers
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customers
show examples
, dealing with working conditions
,
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apply
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 that can sometimes be harsh, important skills and qualities are built,
for
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example
Punctuation problem
example,
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 communication and
time
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 management.
Moreover
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, these experiences can strengthen university applications and
CV’s
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CVs
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, improving
student’s
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students’
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 career prospects.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I support the idea of students participating in the world of employment. I feel that it could truly benefit the youth in their path in life.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that teens should work for a short time. Keep this clear view from the start to the end.
task response
You give three good main ideas: work can help with future study, money, and skills. Add one short, real example for each idea. For example, a teen who works in a shop may learn that they like helping people and may choose a related course.
task response
Explain more clearly why schools should make this part of school life. You could say that school work should be short, safe, and linked to what students study, so it does not harm study time.
task response
The point about money is useful, but make the link stronger. Say how earning and saving a small amount can help teens plan, spend with care, and know the value of work.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: start, three main parts, and an end. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear main idea in each body part. In the first body part, focus on future study and jobs. In the second, focus only on money. In the third, focus on skills and future job plans.
coherence and cohesion
Some long lines are hard to follow. Break them into two or three shorter lines. For example, after you state that work helps teens choose a future path, give the reason in a new line.
coherence and cohesion
Use links with care. Words such as “Firstly”, “Furthermore”, and “In addition” work well, but do not use too many. Also avoid saying “therefore” twice in the same part.
coherence and cohesion
Make the end a little stronger by restating your three main reasons: better future choices, a better idea of money, and useful work skills.
task response
You answer the full question and give a clear opinion.
task response
Your ideas are on topic and show good thought about how work can help young people.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has a clear main point, and the order of ideas is easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear start and end parts, which gives the essay a complete shape.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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