IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree?

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Nowadays, many
people
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 think that
teenagers
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 do not know enough about the world of
work
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. Because of
this
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, some
people
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 believe that schools should make all
students
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 spend a short period of
time
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 working in a real job
while
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 they are studying academic subjects. In my opinion, I mostly agree with
this
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 idea because it can help young
people
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 prepare for their
future
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. First of all,
work
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 experience can teach
teenagers
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 many important skills that they cannot learn in the classroom. When
students
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 have a job, they learn how to communicate with other
people
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,
work
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 in a team and be responsible. They
also
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 understand that earning money is not always easy.
For example
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, a student who works in a shop for a few weeks can learn how to help customers and solve simple problems. These experiences can be very useful later in life.
Secondly
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, spending some
time
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 working can help
teenagers
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 choose the right
way
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path
show examples
 in their career. Many young
people
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 do not know what job they want to do in the
future
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. If they try different kinds of
work
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, they can discover what they enjoy and what they do not like.
For instance
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, a student may think that working in an office is interesting, but after trying it, he may decide to choose another profession.
This
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 can help
students
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 make better decisions about university and
future
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 jobs.
However
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, some
people
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 think that
teenagers
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 should only focus on their studies. They believe that
work
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 can take
time
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 away from school subjects and exams. I understand
this
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 opinion, but I think a short
work
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 experience during the school year or holidays will not create
serios
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serious
 problems for
students
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. In conclusion, I agree that schools should
say for
Verb problem
require
show examples
 all
teenagers
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 to spend a short
time
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 working
as well as
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 studying. It helps them learn useful skills, understand the world of
work
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 and make better choices about their
future
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 careersо.

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task response
Task response: Your answer is clear, but you should explain your opinion a bit more in each body part.
task response
Task response: Your examples are good, but they are quite general. Add one more specific example to make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay is easy to follow because the order is clear. To get a higher score, link some ideas more smoothly inside paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some sentences are a little repetitive. Try to vary how you start sentences and connect points.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Check small errors like 'serios' and the last extra letter in 'careersо' because they can distract the reader.
task response
Task response: You answer the question directly and give a clear opinion.
task response
Task response: Your main ideas are relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: You use simple linkers like 'First of all', 'Secondly', 'However', and 'In conclusion' well.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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