IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages? Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #health #services #necessity #companies #individuals #care
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Every year, the world
change
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changes
show examples
 quickly in both trajectory good and bad. As a
resualt
Correct your spelling
result
, that
changing
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change
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 includes most
of
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apply
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things ,
for example
,
health
services
 which are
nessasery
Correct your spelling
necessary
 for all
people
. On
other
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the other
show examples
 hand,
health
services
 become
important
Add an article
an important
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 factor for
busniss
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business
 so, many companies look at it as a chance that they must invest
it
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in it
show examples
 without considering
any thing
Correct your spelling
anything
show examples
elss
Correct your spelling
else
 even the
people
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are poor. The
investement
Correct your spelling
investment
 in
health
services
 has many advantages ,but it
also
 has disadvantages. On the one hand, the
services
 are improved by the investors who are looking
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 high profit from it.
Moreovere
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, they create a
varity
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variety
 of products which are used by the
dectors
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doctors
 so, many
patiets
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patients
 had treated.
On the other hand
, most of the
health
services
 are expensive which causes a lot of
affort
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effort
 to wide
people
.
For instance
, the
medcine
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medicine
of
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for
show examples
 blood pressure
save
Correct subject-verb agreement
saves
show examples
Correct article usage
the live
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live
Replace the word
lives
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 of many persons who are
struggled
Wrong verb form
struggling
show examples
. In my
opinoin
Correct your spelling
opinion
, I think the benefits of
services
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
its
Change the word
the
show examples
 damages because the
goverments
Correct your spelling
government
governments
 forces the investors to make
services
 with different costs which allow ordinary individuals to use the
services
 within their bedget and to keep the high profit by the expensive
services
 which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 used by rich
people
.
Submitted by majed.al3nzi on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas by organizing your essay into clear paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph covers one main point with supporting evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly outlines the main points to be discussed in the essay, and each of these points is addressed in separate paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to support your main points. This will help in illustrating your arguments more effectively.
Task Achievement
Try to develop more comprehensive ideas and arguments with detailed explanations. This will enhance the clarity and depth of the essay.
Task Achievement
The essay makes an attempt to present both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have provided a clear opinion in conclusion, which is supported by the points discussed earlier in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • basic necessity
  • private companies
  • costly
  • ordinary individuals
  • specialized services
  • resource constraints
  • advanced facilities
  • state-of-the-art technology
  • health outcomes
  • alleviate pressure
  • wait times
  • innovation
  • competitive advantages
  • invest
  • new technologies
  • treatments
  • inequality
  • access to services
  • afford
  • financial strain
  • medical bankruptcy
  • sufficient insurance
  • well-resourced
  • predominance
  • neglect
  • universal healthcare goals
What to do next:
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