IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Governments and big companies should work together to reverse environmental damage, rather than expecting individuals to take responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#governments #companies #work #damage #individuals #responsibility
There is a call that governments and high-profile enterprises should be responsible
to prevent
Change preposition
for preventing
show examples
damage
 in regard to
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 problems rather than leaving the issue to citizens to take action alone. In my opinion,
although
 residents are a crucial portion of
societies
Fix the agreement mistake
society
show examples
, public organisations have better power and encouragement to deduct environmental
damage
. Governments have high educational teams who have abilities to tackle the problems that are impacting nature around us. Tremendous companies are
also
 playing an essential role in addressing the
damage
 because they have a wide range of resources to solve them. In Australia,
for instance
, the government cooperated with a contractor enterprise to monitor air quality when a construction site was in operation in order to swiftly halt the process where required.
Consequently
, air pollution emitted into nature was reduced to spare local residents' health to remain in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good condition. Some individuals,
on the other hand
, are convinced that their communities will not be safe if they do not take
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
 on any sources that might ruin their surroundings. Because any little things that can be prevented by a single person can make a massive difference to their homes, it is better to do something than nothing changed.
However
, they will eventually be worn out
to
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of
show examples
 keeping
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
tolerance and perseverance when they cannot see an
overall
 difference.
Thus
, large institutions
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 have quality and quantity are better
to
Correct word choice
able to
show examples
 complete tasks and contribute pleasant environment
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 locals. In conclusion, despite the fact that environmental
damage
 can be avoided by tiny actions from people working together, governments and big companies are in a better position to resolve environmental
damage
.
Submitted by djruby19 on

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task achievement
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. Consider providing more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of your ideas is generally good, but ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs to further enhance the coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively present and summarize your stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-developed structure with distinct paragraphs that support your argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and relevant arguments regarding the role of governments and companies in environmental damage recovery.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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