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Band 4

Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

#punishment #death #penalty #lives #crimes #violence #control #society
There are saying that
people
Change noun form
people's
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 lives are not fully secure punishments,
moreover
 there will be an increment in violence. I
am fully agree
Change the verb form
fully agree
show examples
 with
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 opinion that capital punishment is vital to control violence in
society
. The
fore most
Correct your spelling
foremost
show examples
 reason for giving
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
 sentence is that human lives will be under threat if
criminals
 have no fear to hang.
Criminals
 can do whatever they want and there will more murders,
rapes
Correct word choice
and rapes
show examples
occurs
Change the verb form
occur
show examples
 in our
society
.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 we already have plenty of sex trafficking,
child
Correct word choice
and child
show examples
abductions
Change the noun form
abduction
show examples
 cases in our
society
 but if
criminals
 have no fear
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
 penalty
then
 these rates are going to increase.
According to
canadian
Change the capitalization
Canadian
show examples
 police, there is a severe increment in sex trafficking,
we
Correct pronoun usage
which we
show examples
 can see only in Ontario.
Along with
 sex- trafficking child abduction is
also
 become common in metropolitan cities.
Mostly
Correct your spelling
Most
show examples
criminals
 are kidnapping children for ransom purposes.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 sometimes these
criminals
 are selling these children's body organs for more money. How can these demons
are
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 allowed to live in our
society
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 These
criminals
 should given
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
 penalty
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the moment
judiciary
Correct article usage
the judiciary
show examples
find
Correct subject-verb agreement
finds
show examples
 them guilty.
To conclude
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
, I agree
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 court can give
criminals
 an opportunity to correct themselves but
this
 thing should only happen in certain situations. If the crime is villainous
then
 there will be only one right thing to do is
hang
Fix the infinitive
to hang
show examples
 these demons, so that we can have control over violence in
society
 to some extent.
Submitted by jasmeet150201 on

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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
Work on language accuracy and variety to clarify ideas and improve sentence structure.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively wraps up the argument, reinforcing the central viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are both present and serve their purposes well.
task achievement
The response directly addresses the essay prompt and provides a full answer to the task.
task achievement
Examples used in the essay are quite relevant and strengthen the task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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