IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

#punishment #death #penalty #lives #crimes #violence #control #society
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There are saying that
people
Change noun form
people's
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 lives are not fully secure punishments,
moreover
Linking Words
 there will be an increment in violence. I
am fully agree
Change the verb form
fully agree
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 with
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
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 opinion that capital punishment is vital to control violence in
society
Use synonyms
. The
fore most
Correct your spelling
foremost
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 reason for giving
death
Correct article usage
the death
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 sentence is that human lives will be under threat if
criminals
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 have no fear to hang.
Criminals
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 can do whatever they want and there will more murders,
rapes
Correct word choice
and rapes
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occurs
Change the verb form
occur
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 in our
society
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 we already have plenty of sex trafficking,
child
Correct word choice
and child
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abductions
Change the noun form
abduction
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 cases in our
society
Use synonyms
 but if
criminals
Use synonyms
 have no fear
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
death
Correct article usage
the death
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 penalty
then
Linking Words
 these rates are going to increase.
According to
Linking Words
canadian
Change the capitalization
Canadian
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 police, there is a severe increment in sex trafficking,
we
Correct pronoun usage
which we
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 can see only in Ontario.
Along with
Linking Words
 sex- trafficking child abduction is
also
Linking Words
 become common in metropolitan cities.
Mostly
Correct your spelling
Most
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criminals
Use synonyms
 are kidnapping children for ransom purposes.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 sometimes these
criminals
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 are selling these children's body organs for more money. How can these demons
are
Wrong verb form
be
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 allowed to live in our
society
Use synonyms
.
Change the punctuation
?
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 These
criminals
Use synonyms
 should given
death
Correct article usage
the death
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 penalty
at
Change preposition
apply
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the moment
judiciary
Correct article usage
the judiciary
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find
Correct subject-verb agreement
finds
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 them guilty.
To conclude
Linking Words
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
, I agree
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 court can give
criminals
Use synonyms
 an opportunity to correct themselves but
this
Linking Words
 thing should only happen in certain situations. If the crime is villainous
then
Linking Words
 there will be only one right thing to do is
hang
Fix the infinitive
to hang
show examples
 these demons, so that we can have control over violence in
society
Use synonyms
 to some extent.
Submitted by jasmeet150201 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, try connecting ideas with more transitional phrases and ensure a clear logical progression throughout your essay.
task achievement
Work on language accuracy and variety to clarify ideas and improve sentence structure.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively wraps up the argument, reinforcing the central viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are both present and serve their purposes well.
task achievement
The response directly addresses the essay prompt and provides a full answer to the task.
task achievement
Examples used in the essay are quite relevant and strengthen the task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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