IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns,leaving only old people in the countryside.

#people #countryside #cities #towns
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Nowadays, we can see more young
people
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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leaving the rural area to reside in bustling cities and towns, but only the old
people
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 stay in the countryside.
While
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 more older
people
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 stay without a provider, leaving the countryside can give different types of opportunities ranging from boosting lifestyles to quality learning. There are several reasons why I think
power
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the power
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 of labour can decrease owing to going away from the rural area, and
consequently
Linking Words
, more downsides are generated.
For instance
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,
oldesters
Replace the word
the oldest people
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 can
afflict
Verb problem
suffer
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 because of
Correct article usage
the works
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works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 of agriculture because their force is not enough for them;
moreover
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, they miss their children, and
as a result
Linking Words
, various diseases are derived from it.
While
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 there might be some upsides like improving lifestyle,
in addition
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, ameliorating the condition of living because there are different types of facilities ranging from sports to education
centers
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centres
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.
For example
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, when you migrate to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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bustling cities, you or your children can get quality information, and they can go to a sports
center
Change the spelling
centre
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. Ironically, you can get more leisure time when you live in a city, and I guess that thing is basic for everyone. In conclusion, I believe that the disadvantages are significantly greater,
although
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 the advantages are greater because, as aforementioned, highly likely old
people
Use synonyms
 will be ill because of missing.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, leaving the village can be a bigger cause in order to improve lifestyle, and I can freely say that young generations tend to be curious, and
also
Linking Words
 there are almost all chances to get what they want. (256-words)
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly supports the central argument to improve coherence. Current points need more alignment with the main thesis.
task achievement
Enhance explanation of ideas for clarity. Some arguments need more details for comprehensive understanding.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or data to support your points. This will strengthen the task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame the discussion.
task achievement
There are insightful points about urban migration and its impact on lifestyle and opportunities.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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