In many countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree? nb
Nowadays smoking
not
legal in buildings , Add a missing verb
is not
parks
. Correct word choice
or parks
It is clear that
people
who wants
to Change the verb form
want
smoke
should go out. This
essay agrees with this
idea,
because it is Remove the comma
apply
role
model, Correct article usage
a role
furthermore
smoking destroys our health.
It is not legal to smoke
in a public places
. It is Correct the article-noun agreement
public places
a public place
role
model to childrenCorrect article usage
a role
,
because children will do what they see in the future. Remove the comma
apply
Also
person who saw you when you smoking
in Wrong verb form
smoked
public
placeAdd an article
a public
,
will be Remove the comma
apply
repide
your Verb problem
responsible for
action
in another place. Fix the agreement mistake
actions
For example
, i
have a friend who smokes. I asked him Change the capitalization
I
that
where you learned from Correct word choice
apply
this
habit and he said that his father
also
smokes and he learned from father
, in childhood he Correct pronoun usage
his father
everyday
watched Replace the word
every day
that
his Correct word choice
apply
father
smoke
then
this
habit came from father
he said. Correct pronoun usage
his father
People
who smoke
should go out or they should smoke
but not in front of people
or children.
Smoking in a
public places Correct article usage
apply
wrong
. Add a missing verb
is wrong
Furthermore
, smoking destroys our health. First of all our lungs and our face, because tobacco has a lot of harmful ingredients. For example
, according to
the news in Germany in 1998
one policeman died from smoking.News said that he Add a comma
1998,
was
smoked one pack of tobacco. When the doctors said about that man , Unnecessary verb
apply
i
was shocked. They said that Change the capitalization
I
mans
lungs were black and Change to a genitive case
man's
nor
suitable. Correct your spelling
not
This
is how tobacco harms a person and even leads to death. However
Add a comma
However,
people
do not listen.
In conclusion, smoking in a
public places role model and destroys our health and Correct article usage
apply
i
Change the capitalization
I
therefore
believe that governments will
make a special law on smoking in Verb problem
should
the
Correct article usage
apply
place
.Fix the agreement mistake
places
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on
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coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and focus more on organizing your ideas logically across each paragraph for improved coherence.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to clearly support your arguments in relation to the topic.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your position on the topic, which is a strong start.
task achievement
The essay raises relevant points about health issues related to smoking, showing awareness of the broader context.
coherence cohesion
You've successfully introduced and concluded the main ideas, creating a sense of completion.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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