IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree? an

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Nowadays it is in habitat smoking in crowded places. If
people
Use synonyms
 want to smoke they must smoke outside the building.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
this
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 idea because smoking influences badly to not only a person’s
health
Use synonyms
 and the
people
Use synonyms
 he surrounds.
In addition
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, passive smoking is more dangerous than active smoking.
Moreover
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, smoking in public places can damage the environment. Smoking in public places
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
effect
Add an article
an effect
show examples
 on
person’s
Correct article usage
a person’s
show examples
health
Use synonyms
. I believe that consuming
cigarettes
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
person’s
Correct article usage
a person’s
show examples
 lungs, kidneys and whole body cycle. One day all of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 organs
able to
Wrong verb form
will be
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 totally
damage
Wrong verb form
damaged
show examples
 or stop working.
For example
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,
according to
Linking Words
 the statistics in Kazakhstan, 45% of
people
Use synonyms
 are smoking
cigarettes
Use synonyms
 and most of them are men.
Moreover
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, it is obvious that around
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half
people
Use synonyms
 in the country have problems with
lungs
Correct pronoun usage
their lungs
show examples
. Issues with
health
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 smoking
cigarettes
Use synonyms
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
only
Correct article usage
the only
show examples
 main reason why we should ban smoking. Damaging the environment and buildings is
also
Linking Words
major
Add an article
a major
show examples
 problem that happens because of the fire that started when
people
Use synonyms
throw
Wrong verb form
threw
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unextinguished
cigarettes
Use synonyms
.
For example
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,
wildfires
Change preposition
in wildfires
show examples
, in dry areas, if someone throws a cigarette butt
that is
Linking Words
 not completely extinguished, it can ignite dry grass or leaves, starting a wildfire. These fires can spread quickly destroying forests, homes, and wildlife habitats. In conclusion, smoking can impact badly for our bodies and our nature.
Moreover
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, cigarette butts are one of the most common types of litter, and the chemicals in them can pollute waterways and harm wildlife. So, avoiding smoking helps protect both our
health
Use synonyms
 and
planet
Correct article usage
the planet
show examples
.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your ideas are clear, but try to organize them even more logically. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and consider using transition words to help with this.
Task Achievement
The response covers the main points of the task well, but consider elaborating a bit more on each point to give a fuller picture of the argument you are making.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly present and wrap up your ideas, which helps the essay stay focused.
Task Achievement
You provided specific examples to support your points, which makes your argument stronger and more persuasive.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • secondhand smoke
  • respiratory problems
  • cardiovascular disease
  • clean air
  • public health
  • hospital admissions
  • economic benefits
  • smoking cessation
  • cultural shift
  • healthcare costs
  • smoke-free laws
  • enforcement
  • designated smoking areas
  • compliance
  • social attitudes
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