Some people think that children should be encouraged to travel more while at school to broaden thier experience. Others think that not enough time is spent in the classroom learning the basics of a good education. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
A group of individuals present the view that
children
ought to be motivated to travel during their schooling to expand their experience, whereas
others believe that there is not sufficient time dedicated in the classroom to mastering the fundamentals of a solid education. I strongly agree with the former opinion.
On the one hand, some people justifiably argue that traveling
is able to Change the spelling
travelling
fosters
Wrong verb form
foster
pupil's
personality. Correct article usage
a pupil's
Due to
the fact that travel exposes children
to different cultures and perspectives, they can achive
a global outlook. Correct your spelling
achieve
Furthermore
, children
learn to appreciate diversity. Therefore
it promotes opent-mindedness
and tolerance. Over travelling students are faced with challenges which need to remedy them Correct your spelling
open-mindedness
individualy
which leads to a decisive personality.
Correct your spelling
individually
On the other hand
, another group of people claim that more time should be spent in the classroom to
learning the basic subjects. They insist that Change preposition
apply
theorical
and fundamental topics Correct your spelling
theoretical
has
been taught in school are crucial for advanced learning. A case in point is Change the verb form
have
Correct word choice
that mastry
mastry
of foundational knowledge like math, science and language is essential for Correct your spelling
mastery
master
accademic
success. Correct your spelling
academic
However
, I do not find this
argument convincing as ristricting
Correct your spelling
restricting
redistricting
children
by
classrooms brings about reducing their Change preposition
in
creativi
and curiosity. Research Correct your spelling
creativity
finding
confirm that Fix the agreement mistake
findings
children
who are supported to do
Unnecessary verb
apply
traveling
are more likely to engage in active learning and exploration compared with their Change the spelling
travelling
peer
Fix the agreement mistake
peers
which
solely are restricted by educational environments. since meeting people from Correct pronoun usage
who
diffrent
civilizations can Correct your spelling
different
broden
their horizons, it helps them Correct your spelling
broaden
develope
their interpersonal skills.
Correct your spelling
develop
To conclude
, in my view, we should not limited
Replace the word
limit
pupile
to the schools, in order to boost their Correct your spelling
pupils
pupil
academical
foundations. Encouraging travel at a young age Replace the word
academic
widen
students' Correct subject-verb agreement
widens
attitutes
toward the world. Correct your spelling
attitudes
Moreover
, as children
learn to navigate new environments, their soft skills and innovational
thinking have been enhanced.Replace the word
innovative
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task achievement
While the essay addresses both viewpoints, providing more specific examples or case studies could strengthen your argumentation and support for each perspective.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical flow by refining transitions between ideas; this could increase the clarity of your argumentation.
task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive analysis by addressing both views and ultimately giving a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion encapsulate the topic well, providing a solid starting point and closing for your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example