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Diary Entry 2: In some countries, governments are attempting to measure and improve the happiness of their populations in ways similar to how economic growth has traditionally been measured and prioritized. To what extent do you agree with this new approach? Justify your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#diary #entry #countries #governments #measure #happiness #populations #growth #approach
Governments in some countries are trying to measure
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happiness and improve it,
as well as
 for
this
 study they have
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
count
Correct your spelling
account
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,
for instance
, economic
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
. As far as I
am know
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know
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, the economic factor is the most important in
the
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apply
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society,
therefore
 it has to be analysed and compared if it
is directly relate
Change the verb form
is directly related
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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happiness.
For example
, if you
won
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win
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 the lottery, you will
able
Add a missing verb
be able
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 to buy properties and every
than
Correct word choice
that
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 you want, so
that
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apply
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you are more happy with yourself and your family because you
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 live more
comfortable
Change the word
comfortably
show examples
.
On the other hand
, I believe the
Goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 could improve the situation
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
millions
Add the preposition
millions of
show examples
 citizens
modify
Wrong verb form
modifying
show examples
 prices,
such
 as regulating fair wages or reducing the hours of work,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
 people could spend their time in their favourite activities or with their family or
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
.
Overall
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happiness is
narrow
Change the word
narrowly
show examples
relate
Wrong verb form
related
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 economic factors.
However
, sometimes people are not able to value correctly.
Submitted by fetani on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, consider further developing your arguments by providing more specific examples and clearly stating your stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence and cohesion by using more linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly introduces the topic, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion.
task achievement
Your essay covers relevant points regarding the relationship between economic factors and happiness.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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