IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In some countries, governments are attempting to measure and improve the happiness of their populations in ways similar to how economic growth has traditionally been measured and prioritized. To what extent do you agree with this new approach? Justify your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The governments of some countries are trying to measure happiness and improve it, and for
this
Linking Words
study
Add a comma
study,
show examples
 they take into account,
for example
Linking Words
, the economic factor. As far as I know, the economic factor is the most important in society, so it must be analyzed and compared if it has a direct relationship with happiness.
For example
Linking Words
, if you win the lottery, you can buy properties and everything you want, so you can be happier with yourself and your family because you can live more comfortably.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that the Government could improve the situation if millions of citizens modified prices,
such
Linking Words
 as regulating fair wages or reducing working hours
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that people could dedicate their time to their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 activities or with their family or friends. In general, happiness is closely related to economic factors.
However
Linking Words
, sometimes people are not able to evaluate correctly.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to broaden the discussion by considering more non-economic factors that might influence happiness, thereby offering a more comprehensive view of the topic.
task achievement
Develop each main idea more fully. For instance, discuss specific ways in which governments could promote happiness beyond just financial aspects.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the coherence of the essay by using connective words and transitional phrases to link ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Include a more definitive conclusion that recaps your stance on the topic clearly, summarizing key points.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic directly and includes a personal perspective, which adds originality.
coherence cohesion
The structure includes an introduction and main body paragraphs which are essential components.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: