IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

It has been proposed that citizens should only consume food and drink products that have been produced in their own countries. A To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#citizens #food #drink #products #countries
There is
suggestion
Add an article
the suggestion
a suggestion
show examples
 that the population of the
countries
 should
use
 only national
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 and drinks.
While
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree that consuming local
products
 has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own benefits,in
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
countries
Change noun form
country's
countries'
show examples
 production there might be unhealthy things and we should start
produce
Change the form of the verb
producing
show examples
 own
goods
 to reduce
waste
Correct article usage
the waste
show examples
 of
products
 from other
countries
.
Products
 from other
countries
 may contain items that are potentially unhealthy.In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 some
countries
use
 items that can lead to obesity . Most people in America are fat because they
have
Verb problem
eat
show examples
 very unhealthy foods and they might be unknown
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them but regardless they continue to employ it.
For instance
, in
China
Add a comma
China,
show examples
 there are a lot of unfamiliar food additives. Most population of our country buy food and they do not even look at the package and what are they
contain
Correct subject-verb agreement
contains
show examples
. We should start producing our own
goods
 to reduce waste from imported foods and drinks.It is an important thing for us to
use
 our local
products
 it
is
Change the verb form
also helps
show examples
also
 helps us
for increasing
Change preposition
to increase
show examples
.
For example
, if we
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
use
 our local
goods
 it will help
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
countries
 or we intend to give them our materials or other things. It supports to achieve an experience in
this
 field. In conclusion, consuming
products
 in our country is not that bad and it will help us to increase.
Products
 from other
countries
 may contain unhealthy ingredients, and we should begin producing our own
goods
 to waste associated with imported items.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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coherence/cohesion
Ensure that the ideas presented are well-organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single main point.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen arguments and support the main points.
task achievement
Clarify the ideas and arguments to ensure they comprehensively address the topic.
coherence/cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, giving it a sense of completeness.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address different aspects of the topic, such as the importance of consuming local products and potential health risks from imported goods.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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