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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart provides data on the
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea purchasing and drinking habits of
people
Use synonyms
 in five Australian
cities
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:
Sydney
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,
Melbourne
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,
Brisbane
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,
Adelaide
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, and
Hobart
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
Melbourne
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 was the
Use synonyms
cities
Fix the agreement mistake
city
show examples
 with the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
went
Correct pronoun usage
who went
show examples
 to a café in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks at 64%.
Besides
Linking Words
,
Hobart
Use synonyms
 had a slight difference in the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who had visited a cafe at 63%. After that,
Sydney
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 was the third with the
large
Correct word choice
largest
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 at 61%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Brisbane
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 and
Adelaide
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 are
cities
Use synonyms
 with lower café-going numbers, at 55% and 50% respectively.
Second,
Linking Words
the number of
people
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 who buy
instant
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coffee
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 in
Hobart
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 is the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 at 54%.
Then
Linking Words
,
Brisbane
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 was in second place for
instant
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coffee
Use synonyms
 buyers with 52%. After that,
Adelaide
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 had a
percentage
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 of 50%.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 saw a slight difference in
people
Use synonyms
 buying
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 at 48%, and
Sydney
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 at just 46%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, purchasing fresh
coffee
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 was the least popular choice in all
cities
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, with the highest figures seen in
Sydney
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 and
Melbourne
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, where around 44% of residents bought fresh
coffee
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 recently.
Brisbane
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,
Adelaide
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, and
Hobart
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 had lower percentages with figures below 40%. In summary, visiting cafés is the most
favored
Change the spelling
favoured
show examples
 activity across these
cities
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, with
instant
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coffee
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 being more popular than fresh
coffee
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, especially in
cities
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 like
Brisbane
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 and
Hobart
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, people, cities, sydney, melbourne, brisbane, adelaide, hobart, percentage, instant with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey
  • coffee
  • tea
  • buying habits
  • drinking habits
  • Australian cities
  • consumption
  • respondents
  • regular
  • participants
  • levels
  • observed
  • popular
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