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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the percentage of people visiting GYM once in a month or more between 1984 and 2003. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows the percentage of people visiting GYM once in a month or more between 1984 and 2003. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#line #percentage #people #gym #month #information #features #comparisons
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The given line graph outlines the ratio of individuals
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different ages who did sports in the gymnasium once
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a month or more from 1984 to 2000. From an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it can be obviously seen that throughout 19 years, the percentage of sportspeople
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all ages experienced progressive increases with the exception of
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in
the
Change the word
their
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 middle age, which had a reverse tendency. It is
also
Linking Words
 evident that the highest point belonged to mature
people
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aged 18-25. With regards to the dominant figure, starting at around 14%, the proportion of 18-25 years old
people
Use synonyms
 reached
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak in 2003, with approximately 65%, after rising gradually to 54% in 1999 by surpassing two other trends for adults and
middle aged
Add a hyphen
middle-aged
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 becoming the second highest in the chart, the percentage of 26-45 aged GYM members saw a mild rise from 30% to 40% between 1984 to 1989.
Then
Linking Words
, it fell down to almost its previous point and constantly grew to 52%
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the period.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the fractions for elders who are 65 and over increased moderately from merely 5% to 12% until 1994
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and overtook 45-65 aged ones in 2003 with pretty much 20%. Turning to
declining
Correct article usage
the declining
show examples
 tendency, a marginal improvement was observed in the ratio of 45-65 years old
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 lovers with 29%
initially
Linking Words
;
however
Linking Words
, it exhibited a sharp reduction to 10% by 2003.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
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