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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts give information about the diet and general health of two groups of students. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts give information about the diet and general health of two groups of students. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #diet #health #two #groups #students #features #comparisons
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The pie chart illustrates the nutrition of two
category
Change to a plural noun
categories
show examples
 of
students
, and the table provides data on
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 health condition
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Overall
, it is evident that both
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
 of
students
consume
Wrong verb form
consumed
show examples
 food with a
high fat
Add a hyphen
high-fat
show examples
contenct
Correct your spelling
content
 and cereals
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mostly,
while
 the less eaten nourishment was fish and fruit in
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 groups.
Furthermore
, the percentage of the overweight and
illness
Replace the word
ill
show examples
 in the past year in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
group
 A was 2 times less as opposed to
group
B
,
although
 the attendance
rate
 at classes was higher
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
group
 A. Looking in more detail, the proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
group
 A
students
 who eat fatty food and cereals accounted for 30% and 35%, respectively.
Likewise
, these types of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nutrition
preferred
Add a missing verb
are preferred
show examples
 by
group
B
, with 50% and 35%.
Additionally
, the fruit intake
rate
 in
group
 A surpassed the other groups of
students
,
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 3%.
However
,
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
equally
Change the adverb
equal
show examples
 percentage of
students
 tend to consume
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fish, comprising
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
5%.
Moroever
Correct your spelling
However
, the
vegatables
Correct your spelling
vegetable
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
rate
 was
significant
Change the adjective
significantly
show examples
 higher in
group
 A compared to
group
Capitalize word
Group
show examples
B
. Regarding the table, the ratio of overweight took up 10% of the total
students
 in
group
 A, though
this
 pattern for
group
B
 made up 20%. When it comes to the past
year
Change noun form
year's
show examples
ilness
Correct your spelling
illness
rate
, the percentage of it in
group
B
 was 2 times higher rather than
Change preposition
in group
show examples
group
Capitalize word
Group
show examples
 A.
In addition
, the participation
rate
 of the
group
 A
students
 constituted 90% of the total
students
,
while
this
 figure for
group
B
 was almost 75%.
Submitted by ilkin.abdullaev04 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, group, b, rate with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • dietary patterns
  • nutritional intake
  • carbohydrates
  • proteins
  • fast food consumption
  • health indicators
  • diet quality
  • beverages
  • sugary drinks
  • health outcomes
  • obesity
  • physical activity
  • fatigue
  • health maintenance
  • anomalies
  • trends
  • balance
  • comparison
  • correlation
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