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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts give information about the diet and general health of two groups of students. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts give information about the diet and general health of two groups of students. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie chart illustrates the nutrition of two
category
Change to a plural noun
categories
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
, and the table provides data on
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 health condition
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that both
Use synonyms
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
consume
Wrong verb form
consumed
show examples
 food with a
high fat
Add a hyphen
high-fat
show examples
contenct
Correct your spelling
content
 and cereals
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mostly,
while
Linking Words
 the less eaten nourishment was fish and fruit in
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 groups.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the percentage of the overweight and
illness
Replace the word
ill
show examples
 in the past year in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 A was 2 times less as opposed to
group
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
,
although
Linking Words
 the attendance
rate
Use synonyms
 at classes was higher
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 A. Looking in more detail, the proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 A
students
Use synonyms
 who eat fatty food and cereals accounted for 30% and 35%, respectively.
Likewise
Linking Words
, these types of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nutrition
preferred
Add a missing verb
are preferred
show examples
 by
group
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
, with 50% and 35%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the fruit intake
rate
Use synonyms
 in
group
Use synonyms
 A surpassed the other groups of
students
Use synonyms
,
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 3%.
However
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
equally
Change the adverb
equal
show examples
 percentage of
students
Use synonyms
 tend to consume
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fish, comprising
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
5%.
Moroever
Correct your spelling
However
, the
vegatables
Correct your spelling
vegetable
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 was
significant
Change the adjective
significantly
show examples
 higher in
group
Use synonyms
 A compared to
Use synonyms
group
Capitalize word
Group
show examples
B
Use synonyms
. Regarding the table, the ratio of overweight took up 10% of the total
students
Use synonyms
 in
group
Use synonyms
 A, though
this
Linking Words
 pattern for
group
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 made up 20%. When it comes to the past
year
Change noun form
year's
show examples
ilness
Correct your spelling
illness
rate
Use synonyms
, the percentage of it in
group
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 was 2 times higher rather than
Use synonyms
Change preposition
in group
show examples
group
Capitalize word
Group
show examples
 A.
In addition
Linking Words
, the participation
rate
Use synonyms
 of the
group
Use synonyms
 A
students
Use synonyms
 constituted 90% of the total
students
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 figure for
group
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 was almost 75%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, group, b, rate with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • dietary patterns
  • nutritional intake
  • carbohydrates
  • proteins
  • fast food consumption
  • health indicators
  • diet quality
  • beverages
  • sugary drinks
  • health outcomes
  • obesity
  • physical activity
  • fatigue
  • health maintenance
  • anomalies
  • trends
  • balance
  • comparison
  • correlation
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