IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To wht extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax #wht
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Nowadays, the majority of
people
suffers
Change the verb form
suffer
show examples
 from health problems
due to
over consumption
Correct your spelling
overconsumption
show examples
 of fast
food
.
Hence
, there is an ongoing debate over
authorities
Correct word choice
whether authorities
show examples
 should introduce laws or not in order to prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jumk
Correct your spelling
junk
food
. I mostly agree with imposing a higher tax for various reasons. Admittedly, unhealthy
food
 is an integral part of
people
’s daily life.
People
 take the fast foods not only
they
Correct word choice
because they
show examples
 are affordable in terms of the price, but
also
people
Correct word choice
because people
show examples
 do not spend a lot of time in order to eat.
That is
 why the
preventation
Correct your spelling
presentation
prevention
 of fast
food
 can
incentivizes
Wrong verb form
incentivise
show examples
 complaints of
people
.
This
 means that society is dissatisfied
these
Change preposition
with these
show examples
 circumstances, which leads to
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
show examples
 social problems.
Additionally
, the increasing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
citizens’ awareness regarding the drawbacks of
this
 type of
food
 fit for purpose rather than introducing the higher tax. The income from these restaurants maintains
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant proportion of the economy of
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
movement
, and any reform can be negative
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
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 level of the country.
Nevertheless
, the imposition of a higher charge is able to
discourages
Change the verb
discourage
show examples
individiuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 from the junk
food
. From my point of view, if prices of them are affordable to citizens, they would consume them less.
Hence
,
this
 reform can boost the
citizens
Change to a genitive case
citizen's
citizens'
show examples
 lifestyle and increase
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their health.
In addition
,
people
 can eat with balanced
diets
Fix the agreement mistake
diet
show examples
, which leads to good physical condition.
People
 cook
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
meals with good
ingridients
Correct your spelling
ingredients
 nourishment and they become
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
healthier. As
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 example Azerbaijan, the authorities introduced
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 new law and raised the
taxin
Correct your spelling
tax in
 2015, resulting
many
Change preposition
in many
show examples
 individuals
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 better. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
while
 the
impostion
Correct your spelling
imposition
 of a higher tax can
contributes
Wrong verb form
contribute
show examples
 to social problems and
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
crisis
Fix the agreement mistake
crises
show examples
, I believe that taking action can increase the city
dwellers
Change noun form
dwellers'
dweller's
show examples
 health.
Submitted by ilkin.abdullaev04 on

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clarification needed
Clarify some vague points in your essay. For example, elaborate more on what specific reforms could negatively impact the financial level of the country and provide clearer explanations.
order of ideas
Try to present your arguments in a more logically clear order. Ensuring the ideas progress smoothly from one to the next will enhance the coherence.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main argument well.
use of examples
You provide relevant examples, like the Azerbaijan tax reform, to support your points which adds strength to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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