Many people are using credit cards or loans to run up huge personal debts that they may be unable to repay. It should therefore be made more difficult for the individuals to borrow large amounts of money. What are your opinions on this?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The cost of living has increased
enourmously
Correct your spelling
enormously
in the
last
few years,
hence
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
been becoming more and more difficult for the individual to pay all the bills. Some people do not have another way to get some
money
to run up personal debts, other than
borring
Correct your spelling
borrowing
boring
money
from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
credit cards or loans.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
banks
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
ofering
Correct your spelling
offering
always a range of
loans
Change the noun form
loan
show examples
options to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clients in order to get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
huge interest rates. In my
opnion
Correct your spelling
opinion
, either the credit card,
either
Correct word choice
or
show examples
the loan companies should be made
more
Correct pronoun usage
it more
show examples
difficult
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the clients to get
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
loan,
such
as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
checking the
clients
Change to a genitive case
client's
clients'
show examples
credit history of the
last
10 years by
puting
Correct your spelling
putting
more
Change preposition
in more
show examples
baunderies to control the situation.
In addition
, the interest rates should be lower, to make
possible
Correct pronoun usage
it possible
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the client to pay the debts.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, the schools,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
governament
Correct your spelling
government
could promote
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proper financial education
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and should be mandatory the subjects to teach the students, how to manage
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
one's own finances from
a
Change the article
an
show examples
eraly
Correct your spelling
early
age, and the importance of
money
and having one's bills paid
correctley
Correct your spelling
correctly
.
Moreover
, the value and the power how
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
has
impacting
Change the verb form
impacted
show examples
peoples
Change noun form
people's
show examples
lives is
extremelly powerfull
Correct your spelling
extremely powerful
, and
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
to have to
take
Wrong verb form
taken
show examples
siriously
Correct your spelling
seriously
.
Submitted by amandaoliveirastylist on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure your essay fully addresses all aspects of the prompt. For example, discuss not only the challenges of debt but also any potential benefits of credit availability, providing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, organize your ideas more logically. Consider using paragraphs to clearly separate different points or perspectives, i.e., one paragraph for the problems, another for solutions.
task achievement
Work on providing specific examples to support your main points, such as citing actual consequences of high interest rates or successful financial education programs.
task achievement
You identified key issues related to personal debt and high interest rates, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay makes an effort to propose solutions such as financial education, which is commendable.
task achievement
Your ideas about the roles of schools and government in financial education are thought-provoking and show critical thinking.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • credit cards
  • loans
  • debts
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • stringent checks
  • balances
  • repaying
  • reckless spending
  • living beyond one's means
  • financial destabilization
  • regulations
  • cap (verb)
  • income
  • financial commitments
  • mandatory financial education
  • financial decisions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: