IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some businesses find that their new employees lack basic interpersonal skills such as cooperative skills. What are the causes? Suggest possible solutions. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#businesses #employees #lack #skills
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Few companies find their new staff without interpersonal expertise like teamwork skills.I believe the major causes are
anxiety
 and
lack
 of
experience
.
This
 essay will discuss the main reasons and provide a logical solution.
Firstly
,
anxiety
one
Add a missing verb
was one
show examples
 of the main causes that led the new employees to act alone .Because they
newly
Add a missing verb
were newly
show examples
 hired still they didn’t manage to be here as it is a new routine for them .
As a result
, the amount of stress increased among them.
Secondly
,
lack
 of
experience
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a huge impact
toward
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the staff behaviour during the shift.
For example
, if you are
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
graduated
Replace the word
graduate
show examples
 and begin your first job for sure you will struggle dealing with employees
due to
 little
experience
 in
lifetime
Correct pronoun usage
your lifetime
show examples
.
Therefore
, the companies will suffer dealing with them
due to
lack
 of communication and that will result in low output .
Moreover
, the incomes will have an enormous decrease. In my opinion, the solution to the previous problems is so easy to follow.On one hand, the companies need to open
psychology
Correct article usage
a psychology
show examples
 office for the new staff to deal with their
anxiety
 and reduce it by talking to a doctor or taking medication for the first three months .
On the other hand
, give the newly graduated people a course for 6 months to learn about all the policies and guidelines .On top of that training them in whole departments will increase their knowledge. In conclusion,
anxiety
 and
lack
 of
experience
 are a huge deal and step by step society can work together and these problems will vanish in the future.
Submitted by sarah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure to clearly distinguish between multiple causes or solutions in individual paragraphs for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Use more precise topic sentences to guide the reader through the points being made, enhancing logical flow.
task achievement
Develop examples more thoroughly to strengthen arguments. Currently, examples add some clarity but could be more specific and varied.
task achievement
Good attempt at identifying key causes of the problem: anxiety and lack of experience.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that frame the problem and solutions well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • interpersonal skills
  • cooperative skills
  • face-to-face interaction
  • digital communication
  • non-verbal cues
  • active listening
  • education system
  • technical knowledge
  • soft skills
  • remote work
  • work environment
  • comprehensive training programs
  • workshops
  • teamwork
  • role-playing scenarios
  • open communication
  • collaborative efforts
  • educational institutions
  • curriculums
  • hybrid work models
What to do next:
Look at other essays: