Many animal species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals from dying out, while others say we should concentrate more on the problems of human beings. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In
this
day and age, there are lots of animal species which have risks to disapear
in the world by human impacts. Correct your spelling
disappear
Therefore
, some individuals suppose that the government should have policies to save these animals
from dying out, while
others assume we should focus on the problems of human beings. I believe the benefit of human development outweiths
Correct your spelling
outweighs
outweigh
animals
saving, Fix the agreement mistake
animal
in
Correct word choice
and in
this
essay
I will Add a comma
essay,
dicuss
these views.
Correct your spelling
discuss
Firstly
, it it
readily apparent that the number of Correct your spelling
is
animals
are
Change the verb form
is
failing
follow by Add the particle
failing to
times
so the biodiversity is Fix the agreement mistake
time
also
reduced and the main reason is the development of human
. If Fix the agreement mistake
humans
the
governments and individuals do not have solutions to protect wildlife, there will Correct article usage
apply
more
Add a missing verb
be more
animals
being extinct in the future. By
the above reasons, it is very Change preposition
For
neccessary
to protect animal species. Correct your spelling
necessary
For example
, there are plenty of animal organizations, which are established in the world.
On the other hand
, human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
is
still Verb problem
apply
suffered
lots of problems, especially Wrong verb form
suffer
developing
Change preposition
in developing
countries
. People live in difficult conditions, which are
lack Unnecessary verb
apply
of
simple Change preposition
apply
standard
Change the noun form
standards
such
as foods
, water and Fix the agreement mistake
food
accomodations
. Correct your spelling
accommodations
accommodation
In addition
, people are also
face
Wrong verb form
faced
to
terrible natural Change preposition
with
disaster
, diseases and pandemics, which are Fix the agreement mistake
disasters
cause
of millions Add an article
the cause
a cause
Change preposition
of death
death
Fix the agreement mistake
deaths
annual
. Change the word
annually
Therefore
, countries
should invest in advancing living
Correct article usage
the living
standard
of citizens.
From Fix the agreement mistake
standards
point
of Correct article usage
the point
my
view, there are Correct pronoun usage
apply
number
of poor Change the article
a number
the number
countries
in the world, where residents are sufferred
famine and lack Verb problem
suffer from
of
simple conditions. Change preposition
apply
Therefore
, we should invest in that
Correct determiner usage
those
countries
to progress their life. Besides
, we should also
pay affordable for saving wildlife to maintain the
biodiversity.
In conclusion, saving Correct article usage
apply
animals
and promoting human
are problems which the government and individuals should focus on. In Fix the agreement mistake
humans
this
, the human factor must be given priority.Submitted by duongntt.tld on
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task achievement
To improve, try to make your main points more clear and supported with specific examples. For instance, discuss specific measures countries have taken to protect species and how these have been successful or not.
coherence cohesion
You have a good introduction and conclusion. Focus on improving the logical structure between paragraphs and ensure there's a clear transition from one idea to the next.
supported main points
Ensure you fully expand on some of your points, like the importance of biodiversity or examples of how human problems are being solved, to strengthen your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction sets up both sides of the argument clearly and states your opinion without ambiguity. This is excellent.
introduction conclusion present
The concluding paragraph effectively summarizes your opinions and reiterates the focus areas for the future.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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