The chart below shows the percentage of households owning of four types electronic devices between 1995 and 2015

The line chart

illustrate

Change the verb form

illustrates

show examples

the proportion of

using

Verb problem

apply

show examples

electronic

Use synonyms

devices

Fix the agreement mistake

device

show examples

data by households with four kinds of equipment from 1995 to 2015.

Overall

Linking Words

, all surveyed

devices

Use synonyms

were upward at the timeframe.

In addition

Linking Words

, the percentage of households

used

Correct pronoun usage

that used

show examples

mp3

Correct article usage

an mp3

show examples

player was the

most

Correct word choice

highest

show examples

in 1995.

By contrast

Linking Words

, it

felt

Correct your spelling

fell

show examples

down the

last

Linking Words

posion

Correct your spelling

position

in four

devices

Use synonyms

after 20

years

Use synonyms

. First and foremost, the ratio of owning

mp3

Correct your spelling

MP3

show examples

player

Fix the agreement mistake

players

show examples

was approximately 18% in 1995, which increased slightly about 5% - 10% every 5

years

Use synonyms

and reached 42% in 2015. It is worth noting that

figure

Correct article usage

the figure

show examples

ranked the

last

Linking Words

position among 4

devices

Use synonyms

in 2015.

Secondly

Linking Words

, both the percentage of using mobile

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

and

computer

Fix the agreement mistake

computers

show examples

is equal in the first and

last

Linking Words

surveyed

years

Use synonyms

, at 9% and 96% respectively. There is a remarkable development of

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

both

devices

Use synonyms

. During

this

Linking Words

time, the percentage of owning mobile

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

rose considerably, about 7 times, from 1995 to 2000. Meanwhile, the proportion of computer

user

Fix the agreement mistake

users

show examples

went up gradually annually.

As a result

Linking Words

, both ones accounted for the highest proportion at 96% in 2015.

Finally

Linking Words

, The tablet appeared in stage from 2022 to 2023 with an

impressively

Change the adverb

impressive

show examples

growth to 82% in 2015. During

this

Linking Words

period, the development of owning

computer

Add an article

a computer

show examples

was 3 times in 2

years

Use synonyms

from 2007 to 2010.

duongntt.tldThu Nov 14 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".

▼

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Vocabulary: Replace the words devices, years with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.

▼

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

214 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

households
electronic devices
ownership percentage
technological advancements
consumer behavior
market saturation
obsolescence
innovation
trends
emerging technologies
comparison
speculate
significance

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
Walking is known to be beneficial for health and yet fewer and fewer people are walking these days. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to tackle this problem?
Lesser people enjoy strolling, which has become an increasingly pressing concern in contemporary society. This essay will examine the primary causes contributing to this issue, as well as its significant repercussions. Additionally, potential solutions to solve these problems will be explored in this essay.
6
band
Some museums and art galleries charge admission fees, while others have free entry. Do you think the advantages of charging for admission outweigh the disadvantages?
With the increasing popularity of museums and art galleries, whether they should be free of charge or not has drawn much discussion amongst the general public. Personally, I am inclined to the view that the merits of charging for entry outweigh the drawbacks.
8
band
Cultural tourism, where people travel in order to visit museums, monuments, and archaeological sites among other things, is a growing industry. Having so many visitors may sometimes benefit a nation’s cultural heritage, but can also cause problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Several countries like India , Spain, Jordan and many more which are rich in cultural sites promoting tourism and the airline industry have encouraged this by reducing the fares for international travel.The Internet has too fueled cultural significance across the globe.All these factors lead to an increase in cultural tourism .However, there is an argument that it is beneficial or has led to concerns.This essay will elucidate both viewpoints along with my own viewpoint.
7
band
Some people believe that to protect local culture, tourism should be banned in some areas whereas others think that change is inevitable and banning tourism will have no benefits. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Tourism has become increasingly popular all over the world . Some individuals assume that travel should be prohibited in certain areas to protect the local culture , while others believe that change is inevitable and banning people from exploring the world will bring no gains . I am of the latter view. In this essay , I will look at both sides of the argument and also give my perspective.
6
band
people sleep less than they used to in the past. what do you think is the reason behind this? what are the effects on them?
People sleep fewer hours than they did many years ago. This is because we tend to work longer hours compared to the past and this results in fatigue.

The chart below shows the percentage of households owning of four types electronic devices between 1995 and 2015

Walking is known to be beneficial for health and yet fewer and fewer people are walking these days. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to tackle this problem?

Some museums and art galleries charge admission fees, while others have free entry. Do you think the advantages of charging for admission outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that to protect local culture, tourism should be banned in some areas whereas others think that change is inevitable and banning tourism will have no benefits. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

people sleep less than they used to in the past. what do you think is the reason behind this? what are the effects on them?