IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects.Other people think that,in today's world,subjects like science and technology are more important than history.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

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Introduction
All schools have many subjects to learn for students,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 In the
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 say
history
Use synonyms
 is a more important
subject
Use synonyms
 in
school
Use synonyms
. other
people
Use synonyms
 think
science
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
 are more important
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
history
Use synonyms
. In
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
both
Use synonyms
 points are very difficult
argument
Fix the agreement mistake
arguments
show examples
. I will explain
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both
Use synonyms
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
my
Change preposition
in my
show examples
 next paragraph.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, Many
counries
Correct your spelling
countries
school
Use synonyms
 includes
history
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
subject
Replace the word
subjects
show examples
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
curriculam
Correct your spelling
curriculums
 reason for when
sdutents
Correct your spelling
students
 learn
history
Use synonyms
 they have to know about old
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 culture,
retitions
Correct your spelling
traditions
 and
life styles
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 follow them. when they
follw
Correct your spelling
follow
 these they will
be get
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 many good things.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some
religens
Correct your spelling
religions
 are following
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
reditions
Correct your spelling
traditions
therefore
Linking Words
, they can not avoid
historycal
Correct your spelling
historical
 matters and
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
;
puddish
Correct your spelling
prudish
 and
muslims
Change the capitalization
Muslims
show examples
are
Wrong verb form
follow
show examples
following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
cultur
Correct your spelling
culture
 and
reditions
Correct your spelling
renditions
editions
thus
Linking Words
,
history
Use synonyms
 is a most important
subject
Use synonyms
 for them.
Body paragraph 2
secondly
Linking Words
,
science
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a most important
subject
Use synonyms
 for
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
.
namly
Correct your spelling
namely
, world
science
Use synonyms
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
dtechnology
Correct your spelling
technology
 is growing day to day. It is growing fast
secont
Correct your spelling
second
 to
secont
Correct your spelling
second
people
Use synonyms
 have to
folow
Correct your spelling
follow
this
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
. when they
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not follow
this
Linking Words
 they have to face many problems.
therefore
Linking Words
, we have to allow to
sdutent
Correct your spelling
student
students
 learn
sience
Correct your spelling
science
 and
technolohy
Correct your spelling
technology
 in
school
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, many
government
Change to a plural noun
governments
show examples
 access these
subject
Use synonyms
school
Use synonyms
curriculam
Correct your spelling
curriculum
.
for example
Linking Words
; sri
lanka
Change the capitalization
Lanka
show examples
, india
Correct your spelling
and India
 have
this
Linking Words
subject
Use synonyms
 to learn and create
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
innovative
knowlage
Correct your spelling
knowledge
.
Conclusion
In
counclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
history
Use synonyms
,
science
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 are more
impotant
Correct your spelling
important
 for learning at
school
Use synonyms
. when we learn in our
school
Use synonyms
 we can know more information. It has
both
Use synonyms
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
 of
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 and
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
.
however
Linking Words
, we have to learn about
both
Use synonyms
 of them. when
sdutent
Correct your spelling
students
student
 know about
history
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
scince
Correct your spelling
science
, and
technolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
 we can gain more
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 in
Correct article usage
the futurs
show examples
futurs
Correct your spelling
future
.

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task achievement
Introduce more specific examples to support your arguments and make them more convincing. This will help in demonstrating your ability to relate abstract ideas to real-world scenarios.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical structure of your essay by organizing your points clearly within paragraphs so that each paragraph reflects a single main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to ensure a smooth flow from one idea to the next, which will help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has both an introduction and a conclusion, helping to frame the discussion.
task achievement
Acknowledges both perspectives on the topic, showing an understanding of different viewpoints.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • historical context
  • cultural heritage
  • informed citizenship
  • innovation
  • economic growth
  • critical thinking
  • analytical skills
  • problem-solving
  • well-rounded understanding
  • technological advancements
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