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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this option? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

#children #difference #right #age #punishment #distinction #option #sort #parents #teachers #behaviour
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Teaching
children
 in order to improve their abilities toward the distinction between accurate
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 inaccurate ways, has been a vital topic of debate.
While
 some people believe that punishment should be considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a crucial method in
this
 approach, I strongly do not agree with
this
 viewpoint and believe that
children
 should grow up and learn to make correct decisions by appropriate methods
such
 as grounding.
Firstly
,
although
 there are various forms of
punishments
 available, most of them have gradually been ignored over the years,
due to
 significant reasons,
such
 as less confident adulteresses.
Therefore
, bringing up
children
 with good
values
, not only contributes to growing their personalities dramatically but
also
 can increase a sense of confidence when becoming adulteresses.
Thus
, these
values
 should be aimed at enhancing accurate methods of punishment.
For instance
, consider a little boy who has struggled to distinguish between right and wrong decisions. If their parents decide to punish him,
due to
 a broken window which happened when he was playing with his ball, the result undeniably would lead to dissatisfaction.
As a result
,
this
 boy might continue his stubborn
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
On the other hand
, there are useful methods rather than physical
punishments
 to bring up
children
. One of the most significant of them is grounding, a new approach
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 bringing up
children
 with satisfaction
values
, in
this
 method
children
 after acting a bad
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 must go to their rooms and
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
 about their actions for a specific
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time and
then
returning
Wrong verb form
return
show examples
 back to their parents. In conclusion,
while
 there are various opinions about the
punishments
 of
children
, those physical
punishments
 have been ignored over the years. I firmly do not agree with
punishments
 and believe that parents and schools should use a grounding approach to help
children
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
bring up with high
values
 and
also
 confidence.
Submitted by mahanz on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure the ideas presented in your essay are clearly outlined and logically structured. It would be helpful to provide explicit connections between each paragraph to reinforce your argument.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples and explanations to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
Task Achievement
Clarify your ideas with more detail and depth, ensuring each part of your argument is fully explained. This will help achieve a more comprehensive response.
Task Achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument effectively, considering perspectives on the role of punishment in teaching children right from wrong.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument well.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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