IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Caring of children is believed to be an essential job in any society, because every human should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents to some extent. I agree with this opinion

#children #job #society #course #parents
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Caring for children is believed to be an essential job in any
society
Use synonyms
 because every human should be required to take a
course
Use synonyms
 that prepares them to be good
parents
Use synonyms
 to some extent. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion. On the one hand, there are two important reasons why I agree with those who think all males and females attend a
course
Use synonyms
 for
well-being
Correct article usage
the well-being
show examples
Use synonyms
parents
Change preposition
of parents
show examples
. First of all, we are living digital technology century.
Also
Linking Words
, some
parents
Use synonyms
 are very careless to family and children day by day.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a child's mother and dad are addicted to smartphones and other internet websites,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 child doesn't know about traditional culture and science subjects.
As a result
Linking Words
, our
society
Use synonyms
 faces
apply
Change the verb form
applying
show examples
 poverty.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it's
also
Linking Words
 worth mentioning that if our government organize a
course
Use synonyms
 that prepares them to be good
parents
Use synonyms
, our posterities will build a powerful lifestyle.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, certain cases need to be taken into account. Admittedly,
parents
Use synonyms
 don't need to attend a
course
Use synonyms
 to be good fathers or mothers because they have got their
parents
Use synonyms
. Grandmothers
are play
Change the verb form
play
show examples
 a vital role in discipline in our
society
Use synonyms
. They are able to learn more information.
For example
Linking Words
, grandmothers teach their children and grandchildren about various life lessons.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will become a mature young family in our
society
Use synonyms
. Not only
society
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 our future lifestyle. In conclusion, I have mixed opinions about the discussed topic and certain cases could be true for different circumstances.
That is
Linking Words
 why holding a firm opinion about it is more difficult than it seems and balance should be the priority in my view.
Submitted by Writing9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure to maintain a logical flow from one paragraph to the next for better coherence.
task achievement
Consider developing the examples further to make them more specific and illustrate the points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Include a clearer distinction between opposing arguments to enhance the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which helps frame your essay well.
task achievement
You addressed both sides of the argument, demonstrating an awareness of the complexity of the topic.
task achievement
The essay shows an understanding of the topic and provides thoughtful insights.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: