Many people think that painting and music do not directly improve the quality of people. Therefore, governments should not spend too much money on artistic projects. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #music #quality #governments #money #projects

It is true that cultural activities

such

as music and painting don't directly affect our lives.

However

, I believe these kinds of activities are very important and governments should invest a good amount of money.

First,

people can express their feelings.

In other words

, they can sing, paint, or dance to show what they feel.

Also

, we can often see that

audience

Fix the agreement mistake

audiences

show examples

emphathizes

Correct your spelling

empathise

themselves

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

with artists' works. Even some doctors encourage their patients to enjoy

such

hobbies. Unfortunately, we underestimate these fields because we can not see good results immediately. But, it will heal people's mental health and it will end up bringing positive energy to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society in the long term.

Furthermore

, music can be a good conversation topic. When a famous band releases a new album, everyone talks about it.

For example

, for the young, having common interests like their peers can affect how to communicate and socialize with others.

Therefore

, governments should spend as much money as they spend on other meaningful sectors.

For instance

, they can help talented students, who can not afford to go to university or open their own exhibitions. It is a shame, even though they have great pieces of paintings or

ability

Correct article usage

the ability

show examples

to show amazing performances

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

if they can not get a chance to show those in public. In conclusion, I disagree with the idea of not spending too much money on art projects.

Instead

, they deserve good

supports

Fix the agreement mistake

support

show examples

from

goverments

Correct your spelling

governments

government

to make a better society.

Submitted by dob.jeong on Fri Nov 15 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and develops it fully before moving to the next point.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples and case studies to strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.

coherence cohesion

The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.

task achievement

You have addressed the prompt directly, providing a balanced view on the importance of artistic projects.

coherence cohesion

The essay uses a logical sequence, connecting ideas smoothly from one paragraph to another.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

244 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people think that painting and music do not directly improve the quality of people. Therefore, governments should not spend too much money on artistic projects. Do you agree or disagree?

Word Count

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the cases?Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

University students often focus on one subject. However, some people think that universities should encourage students to learn a range of other subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?