IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about the journey to school by children aged 11 to 16 in the UK in a year.

The chart below gives information about the journey to school by children aged 11 to 16 in the UK in a year.
#information #journey #school #children #uk #year
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The given chart
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 the percentages of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children aged 11 to 16 in the UK
travel
Correct pronoun usage
who travel
show examples
 in a year to schools, broken down into four different
mode
Change to a plural noun
modes
show examples
 of transport and distances.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly observed that pupils are prone to walk or ride a bicycle for short distances,
whereas
Linking Words
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 of longer
miles
Use synonyms
 are likely to commute by either car or bus
instead
Linking Words
.
However
Linking Words
, it is interesting to note that
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
show examples
 range of distance can be
travel
Wrong verb form
travelled
show examples
 by any means of travelling. In regards
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 distance, a closer look at
bar
Correct article usage
the bar
show examples
 chart
report
Correct subject-verb agreement
reports
show examples
 that the closer the school the more the students walk to school. It is noticeable that 90% of the students walk to their institute if
its
Correct your spelling
it is
show examples
 located within
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
0-1
Use synonyms
miles
Fix the agreement mistake
mile
show examples
, followed by bicycle at 50% and the other two of less than 10%, respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Bicycles are
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
preferable in
1
Correct article usage
the 1
show examples
-2
miles
Use synonyms
 range at slightly above 75%.
While
Linking Words
Linking Words
further
Change preposition
for further
show examples
distance
Fix the agreement mistake
distances
show examples
 of over 5
miles
Use synonyms
 students
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
opt for
bus
Add an article
the bus
a bus
show examples
 at 70%, a shorter
rage
Correct your spelling
route
show examples
 between 2-5
miles
Use synonyms
 can be travelled by either bus or bicycle with a small difference at 50%.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words miles with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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