IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people believe that children should be given lessons on how to manage money in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #lessons #money #school
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Some people believe that
children
 should
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 in
money
management
 lessons in school. I disagree with
this
 idea because
parents
 should
also
 teach their
children
money
knowledge
 and government sectors should provide financial
management
knowledge
 to
children
 in the country.
To begin
 with,
parents
 should teach
money
management
knowledge
 to their
children
 because
children
 will understand clearly and apply
knowledge
 to real-life situations easily.
For example
,
parents
 can give some
money
 to the
children
 daily, weekly, or monthly and tell them to budget their income and expenses in school or daily life and
then
 teach them how to control their expenses.
Moreover
, government sectors should provide financial
management
knowledge
 to
children
 in the country because
this
 will help
children
 understand financial
management
knowledge
 automatically.
For instance
, Providing learning materials through media
such
 as television, radio, or publishing.
This
 can help to know about financial
knowledge
 not only
children
Change preposition
for children
show examples
 but
also
Change preposition
for others
show examples
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 populations in the country.
To conclude
,
although
children
 should learn
money
management
 in school, I disagree with
this
 because it should taught by their
parents
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 understand clearly and the government sector should
also
 provide financial
knowledge
 to
children
.
Submitted by peeranat.phum on

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task achievement
Ensure that your main ideas are thoroughly explained and supported with relevant examples where possible.
task achievement
Work on providing a more balanced view, possibly acknowledging the merits of the opposing argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next with clear logical connectors.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by explicitly outlining how each paragraph contributes to your overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively frame the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ideas are presented in a clear sequence, which helps guide the reader through your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • budgeting
  • savings and investment
  • financial responsibility
  • school curriculum
  • mathematics integration
  • social studies
  • debt prevention
  • credit score
  • wise financial decisions
  • parental responsibility
  • structured education
  • real-world experiences
  • internships
  • personal finance
What to do next:
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